If you could change anything, what would you change? Your body? Your abilities? Your decisions? How about your whole past? What would you do if you could change it? Me? Well, I would change something that messed up my whole entire life. Something I would do so it would all be how I wished it would be when I was young.
When I was 15, my best friend’s name was Lisa. She was unbelievably smart, witty, funny, and she was the most beautiful girl I had ever met. But I couldn’t tell her that. Why? I mean, come on! What if she didn’t like me? What if she didn’t feel the same about me as I did about her? If I told her how I felt may ruin our friendship. And I couldn’t deal with having an awkward friendship when I practically had every class with her. So I couldn’t, but I was dying to.
One day, I was walking to school with Lisa because we were partnered together for a project in social studies and we needed to make something that represents the Civil War period and made a topic this morning.
As we were walking, I noticed she wasn’t as happy as she normally was. It was odd and I loved to see her smile, so I thought I’d talk to her.
“Hey, Lisa, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, John.”
“No, really. Tell me what’s bugging you. You know you can tell me. “I stopped and turned her to face me. “I am your best friend.”
She turned forward and continued walking. “John, you know my mum and dad have been having some trouble lately, right?”
“Oh, right.” I said quietly.
“Well, it’s been getting worse and I never hear them talking, and if they do, they fight.”
“I’m sorry, Lisa. I’m really sorry.”
“Thanks.” I smiled at her and touched her arm.
“Thanks for telling me. I’m glad you did.”
She turned to me suddenly and her eyes grew wide. “But that’s not the worst thing!”
“What?”
“They may be getting divorced…”
“That’s terrible-”
“I know! But if they do, dad will be moving to America!”
“What?!?!” I screamed and stopped dead in my tracks. “You’re not going to be living in London any more?”
“No. We may be moving to South Carolina. Possibly even further away!”
“Why? Why is he making you move so far away?”
“I think he wants to get as far away from my mum as he can. But I think he wants to live along the coast. That’s not too far, right?”
“Isn’t Connecticut and Massachusetts closer? And Maine?”
“He wouldn’t agree to those.” She rolled her eyes.
“So, you won’t get to see your mum anymore?”
“I’m going to live with my dad for a year and my mum for a year and we keep switching.”
“That’s terrible! Isn’t that, like, bad for the child or something? Like, you’d have to move schools every year?”
“I agreed to it.”
“What?!?!”
“Neither of them wanted the other to have full custody so it’s half and half. Kind of.”
“That’s not fair! I will only see you every other year?”
“I guess so…” I turned and walked down the sidewalk faster and she jogged up behind me.
“I can’t do anything. “ I was still ignoring her. “I promise I’ll ring you. I’ll ring you all the time!” Still I kept my gaze forward but she stopped. “Why do you have to be like this? It isn’t fair! I couldn’t help it!” And she brushed past me hitting my shoulder and walked towards the school I watched her leave me behind and I sighed.
She was right. That was unfair. She couldn’t convince her father to move any closer than he wants to. If he doesn’t want to live near her mum, that’s his problem. I was such a loser. I just continued my way to school and blocked out the voice in my head that kept telling me the same thing over and over. Good job, ya big jerk.
When I arrived at school, I got into homeroom right after the last bell rang.
“That’s your second tardy, Mr. Luther.”
“I know, Ms. Beam. Sorry, Ms. Beam.” I smiled at her and then saw Lisa sitting at a table with her friends. She quickly got up, taking her gaze from me to Ms. Beam.
“May I go to the loo, Ms. Beam?” she kept her face solid.
“Yes, you may Miss Kennedy. But hurry it up. I don’t want you dilly dallying in there, got it?” Ms. Beam twisted her face.
Lisa nodded and left as the teacher sat her large rump in her chair that squeaked in defense of the large woman sitting on it once again.
“I would advise you to sit, Mr. Luther.”
I spun around to see the whole class staring at me as I was looking ridiculously at an empty wall, where Lisa once stood. “Sorry, Ms. Beam.” And I slumped down in the nearest seat.
“I looked around and saw her friends glaring at me. Oh no. She probably told them and now they’re gonna tell every one else and everyone’s gonna hate me! This day keeps getting better and better!
Lisa came back through the door a few minutes later and sat in her seat once more. Not looking at me at all. The other girls rubbed her arm and gave her their sad eyes, seeing if she was okay, as if they knew she was crying in the bathroom. What is it with girls, anyway? How do they know when someone sad without the person frowning or that they were crying when their faces are completely dry? Girl powers. Evil. Powerful.
I couldn’t believe what a jerk I was.
When class finally ended, I went to my locker to get my English books and Lisa friends surrounded me and I was pushed against my locker. Now what? Am I gonna get beat up by a bunch of girls?
“You best be staying away from our girl, Luther!” one of them with long blonde hair yelled at me. I think this once was Becky.
“Yeah! She doesn’t like to be hurt by people. But maybe you didn’t know that, hm?” another one who was short and had short black hair yelled at me. Rachel. This one was Rachel, right?
“So leave her alone, never talk to her again, beat it, scram, and keep away… got it?” a tall brown haired one got into my face. This one was Natalie for sure.
“Um… yeah. Got it.”
She smiled and backed away slowly. Then they all left, keeping their gazes on me until they turned a corner. I stood up strait, took a deep breath.
Good job, ya big jerk!
BBBBBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIiIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!
The bell. Darn it!
After school I went over to Lisa’s house to see if she would talk to me. I doubted it. After what I did to her? Sheesh! I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to forget all about me.
When I arrived at her house I felt a slow breeze come across my face. It was too early for wind, but maybe it meant an early winter. I slowly walked up her familiar driveway and turned onto the path that leads to her from door.
I walked even slower there and remembered all the times I would race up the path, knocked on her door eagerly, and her smiling face would greet me. But that might just change. Because of my big mouth.
Finally. I had reached her massive door that, oddly, completely fit the small house she lived in. My hand seemed to tremble as it reached for the knocker. My fingers wrapped around the handle and as slow as I could get, I lifted the knocker up and unwillingly let it slam against the door. I had let out a short breath as I did that and knocked again, and once more.
When her mum reached the door, her smile turned into a look of puzzlement. Maybe Lisa already told her mum and she was disgraced to see me there.
“John?” her faced melted like she just realized who this complete stranger was. Maybe she was just stressed with the divorce. She did look tired. A bit overwhelmed. “John, sweetie!”
She always called me something like sweetie or pumpkin and maybe, at times, sugar. Just like I was her own son, made from her own flesh and blood. But, I guess I’ve been around this house so much, I was maybe, like, part of this family.
“John, dear, come in! Come in!” she eagerly grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into her home. I walked over to their “mud room”, the room where practically everything goes, laid my backpack down in a bin with another pink one, and sat down on the big red couch in the living room, almost involuntarily. The same routine I do every time I come into this house.
Lisa’s mum came into the room with a large cookie for me in a baggie. “Here. This one’s for the road.” She smiled at me delightfully. “Lisa’s in her room.” She tilted her head.
“Thanks.” I sat up from the red couch and started over to the stairs when suddenly, her mom stopped me.
“Um, John, honey, have you noticed anything strange about Lisa today? She’s acting very strange. I mean, she left this morning as happy as a bee but when she came home, she barely said a word and went strait to her room and blared her music. Just over my limit. Just a bit.” She showed how much over the limit Lisa went with her fingers, like squeezing a grape. “Oh, she is a good kid; she just seems…” she sighed. “I don’t know. You think you could chat with her while you’re up there?”
My throat tensed up and I couldn’t say a word, so I just nodded my head solemnly and went upstairs.
I walked down the hallway until I reached her door. I smiled as I stared it down.
She always had a love for horses, and they owned one when she was a little girl. They had a stable, but they couldn’t afford to keep it after a while and Lisa refused to go. Her compromise was she could take horse lessons at the local stable and she could take the door of her favorite horse with her. So when she moved here, they attached it as her new door, even thought they had to make the outline bigger so, they tore down some of the wall.
It was funny to see a big, random blue door. And whenever you knocked, she’d only open the top half, and if she was going to let you in she would open the whole thing.
I guessed she would be taking this with her when she left. Or…will keep it here with her mum? Surely she can’t move it each year. But I fretted this would be the last time I would ever get to see it.
I knocked on her door, much faster than I did anything else coming to this house, and the top part of her door swung open and her frown sagged into an ever sadder one. Then she quickly closed the top half and there was silence. But then the whole door opened up and she went over to her bed and continued packing, taking almost everything with her.
“You’re leaving now?” I asked tentatively.
“Yeah. You never gave me a chance to finish. I was going to tell you I am packing today and leaving tomorrow afternoon. I won’t be going to school tomorrow.”
“Why not finfish up the school year?”
“Dad wants out. Now.” She still never smiled. She turned from me and continued packing. “Why are you here John?” her voice cracked a little.”
“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said to you. It’s just-”
“Just what? Why were you so mad? I know we are best friends but you go so mad! Why?”
“Lisa…”
“Are you gonna tell me?” there was silence. “No? Then just leave.” She pointed to her door.”
I swallowed hard. “No. I’m not leaving.”
She turned around abruptly and saw my solid face. “Excuse me?”
“I’m not leaving. I told you I was sorry. It was stupid of me to get mead at you when it wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry.” I took in a long breath.
“I know that, but why were you so angry? No one gets that angry and blames their friend for everything?”
“I’m sorry!”
“I know…”
“It’s just…” I had to think. She is leaving tomorrow, so I wouldn’t be embarrassed because she won’t be here everyday if I told her…what should I do? “Lisa.” I whispered, grabbing her shoulders. “Lisa, listen. The reason I was so angry about you leaving is because… I never got to have anything with you.”
“What?” she asked confused, baking up from me.
I sighed. “I like you. I like you. I really, really like you. I have liked you for the longest time. I…I like you. I didn’t want to see you go because I really…” I smiled and sighed. “Really like you.”
“John…”
“You don’t have to say anything. I can just leave. I-”
“John.” She walked up to me and grabbed my hands. “I understand. The truth is…I like you too, John. I wanted to tell you so much, but my friends protested. They thought you’d be mean. And then when we had that fight…they said they were right. That you were a jerk. And I believed them.”
“It’s okay. It’s…” I saw her eyes start to water. She was crying.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m leaving, John! I’m leaving. I don’t want to. I don’t! I’ve told my father over and over but he won’t listen! He’s moving and taking me with him. I have to go.” She sat down on her bed and dug her face in a pillow.
I sighed and sat down next to her. “I know you don’t want to go. But you’ll come back. You will. And I’ll be here. Right here. And you and I can still be friends. We won’t forget each other. I know it. We’re just too good of friends.”
“Thanks, John.” She looked down at her feet and then looked up into my eyes.
“I think I should go. You gotta pack.” I sat up and walked to her door.”
“John, wait!” I turned toward her and she ran towards me and gave me a huge hug. I smiled and put my arms around her.
“I’m gonna miss you, John. I’m really gonna miss you.”
“I’m….gonna miss you, too.”
She looked up and smiled. I smiled. She let go of me and I turned and walked out of her room and closed her door behind me. I sighed once more. That’s the last time I’d see her for a whole year. A whole year.
I walked down her stairs and her mother asked me if she was alright.
“She’s fine Mrs. Kennedy. Bye.”
“Good bye, John, dear.”
I sat on my chair at my desk in my room and was stuck on a question in math. Was I stuck because I didn’t know 2 squared times the square root of 49, or was I thinking of Lisa?
I looked out my window at the full moon and imagined, in the future, Lisa and me looking at the same moon from different countries. It’s the same moon, but it would be different for everyone, right? Everyone seeing what they want to see.
I knew Lisa would have a good time in America. Form all the shows I see on the T.V. it looks like a blast. Always eating, shopping, and running into each other. I guess she’d like it there.
I decided to write a letter to Lisa so, probably, by the time it got there, she’d be in America for about 2 or 3 days.
Dear Lisa, 6/23/98
How are you? I miss you already! I now it’s only been about 2 or 3 days, but I really miss you. So, how do you like America? I heard it’s a really fun place. So, are you making friends? How’s your dad doing in his new job? I hope he’s great. So, tell me about this country. What do they do for fun here? What about the food? The clothes? What about the weather? Do you have to dress very differently? I guess I should have paid attention in class when we studied America! Oh well. You could tell me. I miss you, Lisa. I really do. I can’t wait till a year is over and you get to come home! Alright, see ya later! Write back ASAP!
With Love,
John
Lisa never did write me back. I don’t know why. I wrote her hundreds of letters. Maybe I got the wrong address? But I asked her mom and she said it was right cause she sent the child support there and got notices when they were received. I tried calling and all I got was voice mail, every time.
Well, that was 18 years ago. I never heard from her again. Ever. She never came back to her mom because I think her dad got full custody. I went on with my life. Got married, had two beautiful boys, even got a nice stable where my boys took horse lessons. My wife, the boys, and I went to the Bahamas every winter. And my wife and I went to some place different every anniversary. We never went to America because I think she never wanted to. Until this year, we were going to L. A., California. The thought of Lisa being in this country never crossed my mind. So it didn’t bug me.
“Oh, honey, look at that! It’s gorgeous!” my wife, Veronica, said.
“That is amazing.”
“Take a picture, Johnny!”
“Alright…hold still…one, two, three…beautiful!” I smiled at her and took her arm.
“Let’s go this way!” She pulled me down the side walk and I squinted as the sun glared in my eyes.
“Hold on I need sunglasses, it’s really bright-”
CRASH!!!
I fell to the ground as a bunch of fruit fell on me. I think I knocked into a person. I put my hand over my eyes to shield the sun. I started to pick up the things that fell out of a half full grocery bag.
“I am so sorry, ma’am. I didn’t see you. I-”
I looked up and saw the person on the ground next to me.
“Lisa….?”
|
Submission Name: Saying Good-Bye
