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    dots Submission Name: The Last Letter Homedots

    Author: itinnmannn
    Elite Ratio:    6.42 - 18/15/15
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 855
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 1197

       For all those who didn't listen.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Last Letter Homedots

    I'm sorry mama
    by now your heart must be sighing.
    Forgive my lie when I promised to write,
    but seasons captured my pen from flight.
    It's okay mama
    I'm just crying.

    Many times I've written in my head,
    thoughts to paper never sown.
    And many more words will never be fed,
    for this is my last letter home.

    You warned me of seductive snares,
    addictive deceptions that satiate.
    You knew this life I couldn't navigate,
    hold me mama I'm running scared.

    I went my way far from sight,
    I found skies you didn't know.
    I chased black dreams evils delight,
    I feel deep in the depths of sins inferno.

    Now I dream of safety upon maternal breasts,
    one last time let me kiss your face.
    In your warmth my innocence I'd retrace,
    please sing my angry heart to rest.

    I'm so cold
    and in this peace my soul confides,
    But now I must say goodbye.

    Don't you ever cry.

    O' it's alright mama,
    today I died.

    Submitted on 2007-05-30 15:17:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really really have to agree with Eggshells. This writing was a great story that I got right off the bat. I didn't have to read twice for the language was simple and concise, right to where you wanted the reader.

    I personally enjoyed the last stanzas how it dwindled down when he confessed to his mother of his death. It made me feel small and insignificant because I kind of read it as one of those who didn't listen. I really feel for the kid and the mother.

    I also liked the language you used here "O' it's alright mama," to kind of get a different feeling for the kid. He's not a city kid. I also liked how you used "mama." instead of "mother" or "mom" It gave a much more personal feeling to it.

    Wonderful write, I shall favorite this.

    <3 keep on writing.
    | Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, first off, the story is very good, good emotions, and I loved your word choice. Very excellent, except, (I know you probably hate that word, cause I know I do) the stanza just don't really match up, you know?: It's a little confusing and bobbles everything up and down and around all over town (hehe, that rhymed) But neverminding those tiny itsy bitsy spider-like problems, it's a very good message, sad, hopeful, and was a little inspiring, thank-you for the good read, and I hope you stop by to criticize my work also! (lol, we're not all perfect)

    Untill next time:
    "Take it easy, If it's easy take it twice"
    -Funky Monkey 104.9
    Sincerely not yours,
    | Posted on 2007-05-30 00:00:00 | by eggshells | [ Reply to This ]

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