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    dots Submission Name: The Wooden Birddots

    Author: eggshells
    ASL Info:    23/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 31/82/75
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1251
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 819

       Kind of a haunted story, I guess it could be a very sad song, I don't know, I just was feeling kind of evil and so I thought this up, I really like it, it's sweet, in a gothic sort of way.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Wooden Birddots

    Silent steps give nothing away
    Boards creak to kiss and tell
    As she walks, the curtains sway
    The wooden bird emerges to say it's twelve

    She turns at the dining room
    Into the kitchen, she grabs a knife
    She reminisces of the gloom
    She screams his name and takes her life

    The alarm rings with sudden dissalution
    He wakes, grasping for her feel
    She is not there, and he can't find the solution
    He walks down, and the wooden bird lets out a squeal

    Blue silver eyes pierce his heart
    He wonders why
    The questions rip him apart
    Then he wishes he would die

    A knife lays burdened
    With this heavy load
    Crimson rivers burned
    In the eyes of the wooden bird

    Submitted on 2007-05-30 15:38:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this allot. Poetry like this is really not my taste, but I see it as an Edgar Allen Poe type of adventure, and in this genre Poe is the only one that I enjoy, and now you. Some lines are choppy put just a smidgen off, maybe others wont notice it. Really who cares this is very good ,and I added it to my fav. list.
    | Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by itinnmannn | [ Reply to This ]
      ooo. This is pretty evil and gothic, like you said in your description. And haunting, yes, haunting indeed! I do enjoy the line *cough cough*... that is, as much as one can enjoy a story of suicide. But the whole bit about the wooden bird squealing and what not... well that is the haunting part.

    However, the flow was a bit choppy. I think if you spent a bit more time on it...evening it out and so forth, it could be even more haunting and powerful.

    Anywhow....Just kind of gives you the chills!
    Peace, Lucydiamond
    | Posted on 2007-05-30 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]

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