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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Left undone on the roaddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soldier O_Tears
    ASL Info:    18/M/INDONESIA
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 41/129/120
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 509
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 602



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLeft undone on the roaddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm bruised
    I'm fagged
    I'm thrown out of the car
    I lied undone and silent, waiting for sirene

    How come the ambulance never showed
    How could you left me alone on the road
    My ears were cut and my tongue vanished
    My fears were right and my song is finished

    No more scream and gigs
    No more initiation and guitar licks
    No way im ended like this

    If only i could find a way to fix the leak between us
    If only i could cut the fuss and make the radio shut







    Submitted on 2007-05-30 21:04:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is interesting for sure! Though, it deffinately has weakness written within it. I believe that if one is not strong enough to simply get up and walk away from the little accident, then they should simply accept death. It is the way of the warrior to never ask why. To simply take it as it is and change what you can, but always continue on the frontal march. That's just my personal views. As for your poem, it was well written, however i would suggest editing it a little here and there so that it flows a slight bit better and i would change the forced rhyme of "vanished" and "finished" in the second stanza... that's about all that i have.
    -enjoy
    | Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by Esophagus1 | [ Reply to This ]
      ya i cant spell for [censored]. maybe it will teach me to re-read before i post.....haunting. there we go. wooo! again.
    | Posted on 2007-05-30 00:00:00 | by lark | [ Reply to This ]
      very vivid as i think anyone can see. hauting like tif said before me is the best word i can think for this piece. flows great and leaves you clutching at your chest for something more. woooo!
    | Posted on 2007-05-30 00:00:00 | by lark | [ Reply to This ]
      THis has a haunting cry that echoes throughout the piece - there is hope between the word left undone and the road seems to go nowhere and regret seems the only traveling companion.

    What is undone can be a blank canvas...envision in "IT'

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    tif
    | Posted on 2007-05-30 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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