[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Left undone on the roaddots

    Author: Soldier O_Tears
    ASL Info:    18/M/INDONESIA
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 41/129/120
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 535
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 602


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLeft undone on the roaddots

    I'm bruised
    I'm fagged
    I'm thrown out of the car
    I lied undone and silent, waiting for sirene

    How come the ambulance never showed
    How could you left me alone on the road
    My ears were cut and my tongue vanished
    My fears were right and my song is finished

    No more scream and gigs
    No more initiation and guitar licks
    No way im ended like this

    If only i could find a way to fix the leak between us
    If only i could cut the fuss and make the radio shut

    Submitted on 2007-05-30 21:04:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is interesting for sure! Though, it deffinately has weakness written within it. I believe that if one is not strong enough to simply get up and walk away from the little accident, then they should simply accept death. It is the way of the warrior to never ask why. To simply take it as it is and change what you can, but always continue on the frontal march. That's just my personal views. As for your poem, it was well written, however i would suggest editing it a little here and there so that it flows a slight bit better and i would change the forced rhyme of "vanished" and "finished" in the second stanza... that's about all that i have.
    | Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by Esophagus1 | [ Reply to This ]
      ya i cant spell for [censored]. maybe it will teach me to re-read before i post.....haunting. there we go. wooo! again.
    | Posted on 2007-05-30 00:00:00 | by lark | [ Reply to This ]
      very vivid as i think anyone can see. hauting like tif said before me is the best word i can think for this piece. flows great and leaves you clutching at your chest for something more. woooo!
    | Posted on 2007-05-30 00:00:00 | by lark | [ Reply to This ]
      THis has a haunting cry that echoes throughout the piece - there is hope between the word left undone and the road seems to go nowhere and regret seems the only traveling companion.

    What is undone can be a blank canvas...envision in "IT'

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    | Posted on 2007-05-30 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    This written by Chelebel
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Incubus written by monad
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]