Photos on Our Wedding Day by CrypticBard

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Submission Name: Photos on Our Wedding Day dots

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Author:	CrypticBard
Elite Ratio:	4.26 - 214/212/93
Words:	77

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	158
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	549

Description:

Photos on Our Wedding Day dots

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'

Sit down with me awhile, my Love
Let's leave the world behind;
This hour belongs to us alone:
Our moment etched in time.

Lean upon my shoulder, Sweet
And press your cheek to mine.
Let's set our eyes to spy upon
Our promised ever after, find.

Rest your arm upon my knee
And hold that smile again.
Another spot is next in line
On our wedding photography.

'

Submitted on 2007-05-31 07:44:15 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
There is something genuinely lovely about this poem, a romantic sweetness about the image of an old couple sitting down after a lifetime entwined, "my Love" and "sweet" showing how close and affectionate they still are.

However, though, to be a bit critical, I'm not really a massive fan of the ending. The way you drop the rhyme scheme for the final stanza doesn't really work for me - personally I think it would read better if you kept the ABCB going or made the last two lines rhyme. Yeah, I'm also not too keen on the word "photography", "photographs" would be better I think, especially as a poem generally needs a good closing line unless there's a super special reason otherwise. That's just my opinion though and feel free to utterly ignore it.

I really do like the dreamy romantic escapism in this.
| Posted on 2007-07-01 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
This is a really sweet poem. I like the flow of it especially. It has a lovely rythm in the words themselves. The rhyming is gorgeous!

This is a masterfully crafted poem that has nearly nothing to fix.

Don't be upset by the "nearly nothing." It's just that I can't find anything, but most writers have something they want to edit about their work.

My favorite verse of this poem is the first. I think that it is a wonderful introduction to the rest of the poem and just brings the mood right in straight from teh beginning.

"Photos on Our Wedding Day," Is just a gorgeous poem!

~Zara
| Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by Zara | [ Reply to This ]

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