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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sundaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: necrotic
    ASL Info:    18/f/New York City, Baby!
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 198/94/33
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 148
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 798



    Description:
       One of those old ones, I re-did though. Please lemme know what you think, and I am HOPING i get a good reaction, because I like a lot of the lines I used in this one, which makes the poem good, I think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSundaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    The angels cry at sunsets welcome,
    People pray to God's ambition
    But I am here stuck inside myself.
    Holding tight to my soul, believing in anything I see:
    The darkness feasting on it's blanket of stars.
    The clouds that dressed in white today,
    change into an evening gown of purple.
    A white ball floats wanderlessly in the sea of black above me.
    A dark silluette of birds fly around me.
    The only thing I feel today is the rushing wind that falls upon me.
    I feel the sting of bitter cold,
    and sigh my comfort out.
    I am stuck inside myself,
    Alone, like always,
    With golden strings around my skin,
    I drift off to join my mind aimless nightmares that have dressed themselves in slumber.




    Submitted on 2007-05-31 10:02:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      Two parts that I got caught up on, sillhouette is mispelled and your last line. I found it difficult to derive a clear meaning from that las line thye problem arose after mind. it could be remedied by adding an 's or a ; even a , and moving the rest of it to the next line I think could improve the clarity. We all feel trapped and lonely from time to time I don't really think the reinteration of stuck inside myself is necessary ; repetition can work but here it doesn't add much to the piece. It has a gloomy feeling; dying dreams screaming as they're scoarch by the torch that is the setting sun. I love the lines "people pray to God's amibition and my favorite, The darkness feasting on it's blanket of stars.
    | Posted on 2007-07-03 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      If your goal was to deliver a sad poem you have achieved that. I hope that this piece gave you the necessary therepy by allowing you to vent. Poems like this I never comment on as to poetic value ( good or bad ) because to do so would be to tare into emotions and that is karma I do not dare to tresspass against.
    I do pray that your are feeling better.
    Peace,
    Nathan
    | Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by itinnmannn | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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