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I have changed


Author: Unwritten_Leo92
ASL Info:    14/F/Rhode Island
Elite Ratio:    3.45 - 2 /4 /11
Words: 186
Class/Type: Poetry /Being a Teen
Total Views: 907
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1195



Description:


This is a continuation of People say I`ve Changed


I have changed



People say I`ve changed
People say I`m different
I don`t believe I`ve changed
But no body will listen
I know my demeanor has
Been changed, but only a tad
Okay so I`ll admit it
I have been changed a bit
I have changed.
I have changed.
I have changed.
High School? Others?
Myself? Another?
I know I`ve changed
I`ll accept that I`m not the same
I`ve changed because of people like you
Who insist that I`m anything but true
They say malevolent things
And at first its nothing,
Then it begins to sting.
How I`m not perfect or beautiful
How I`m disgusting and hateful
I have no life, I have no friends
The evil sayings, they never end
I wish they would
I wish they understood
I wish they knew
How because of them, my insecurities grew
They don`t care or choose not to see it or notice
That it`s because of them that I am now like this
I love who I was, confident and secure
I hate who I`ve become, ugly and unpure
I have changed.
I have changed.
I have changed.




Submitted on 2007-05-31 15:19:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Christ, I can really relate. I can feel your feelings come across in this, but I'm not sure if that's because I've been through the same and it all sounds all to familiar to my own life.

I like, "I love who I was, confident and secure
I hate who I`ve become, ugly and unpure" Rhyming scares me, so anything on that front impresses me. But seriously, this was my favourite because it was the most specific about how you felt, it gave detail, which I thought was lacking in the rest of the poem.

Maybe you could break it up into stanzas? As now it seems like an uncontrollable rant. Unless that's what you were going for, it which case it's good. If you doubled spaced the last three lines as well, I think that that would give them more impact.

Sorry, that this is so many improvements (in my eyes) btw. I think that instead of saying you haven't changed and then saying that you have, which made the start kind of clumpy, you could say something at the start like, "At first I didn't like to admit it..." The way you put it made it seem more like speech than a poem, especially with the, "Okay so I'll admit it"

Also, maybe if you exapnded a bit more on phrases such as "Then it begins to sting" add depth to them, by describing the sting maybe. I, as a reader, don't want to be told that it stings, I want to be told how that makes you feel, what the sting is like etc etc.

Once again, I really have written this with the best of intentions as I think this is a really good base of feelings on which you could build on. Good luck.
| Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by Fifi | [ Reply to This ]


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