[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Long Goodbye (Monologue chapter 6)dots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 726
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 926
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4280

       ~the close of this story cycle~

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Long Goodbye (Monologue chapter 6)dots

    The Long Goodbye (Monologue chapter 6)


    I’m the man you married three months ago. The father of our child, the stepfather of another. For me, that will never change.

    There’s an element of truth in almost everything, really. I made a promise not to mention the past too often for Bobby’s sake because there are some things neither of us wanted to remember…and I can’t say much more about that right now. But I also promised myself that I‘d never lie to you. That won’t change either.

    Bobby and I were brothers, just not blood. He was the natural child, I was the foster kid-the loaner, the protector. He wasn’t -good - at finishing anything, actually; his mind was like an echo chamber full of multiple conversations that were never…resolved.

    So I finished everything for him. Every story he wrote, I finished. Every game, dream, confrontation, vision…and almost every relationship.

    Maybe I was as bad a brother as she was a mother. She crushed him, I carried him. For her, it seemed like a love hate relationship without the love…I don’t know.

    Bobby’s Dad left for saner pastures…and Saint Lucy stayed to remind us what goodness was.

    I think.

    She raised him alone and I was placed in her care when I was abandoned by my folks.

    You may not realize it, but Bobby fell in love with you for one very-compelling-reason. You were kind and nurturing and warm. He said you reminded him of music we listened to, old Irish tunes the neighbors knew that seemed like water singing songs, and we weren’t even Irish…you were the mother he craved and couldn’t find. And then…

    I remember how excited he was-what, thirteen years ago?-when he met you. Something close to normal struck him then, and he was happy, and fearful, all at once.

    When I met you I understood how he could be so…I don’t know, blissful…and why he asked me how he should ask you out. I think he loved you then without knowing what love was. He couldn’t comprehend the responsibilities that would come because…his dream was in his arms.

    So, when fear found him and the marriage failed, I took responsibility for an abandoned mother and child. How could I not do that?


    The problem was that I…felt something for you-nothing ‘maternal,’ believe me-but some wonderful tension that didn’t seem right. So I fought my pleasant thoughts and refused to sabotage your…happiness. His happiness.

    And that’s why I disappeared for such a long time, to try to find someone lovely for myself.

    I…may have loved you then, but I’d never betray Bobby.

    So I told myself after the divorce and after he died that I was just being kind to my brother’s family and honoring a promise we’d made to watch over one another in life-and death. I know that sounds like a promise kids would make, but…Bobby never stopped being a kid. And I was bound to that - pact.

    You know, before Bobby died he sold all his clothes; shoes, suits, ties-like peeling off old skin. He told me he wasn’t that person anymore.

    I sometimes wonder if that mantle hasn’t been passed to me.

    That’s why it was so easy to love you both when I saw you again, because the seed was already planted when we first met. And…I love you now and always as my own wife bearing my own child. And my niece because she’s Bobby’s gift to…us.

    Who did you think I was?




    That sounds strange, but nice, really. Thank you for being my Dad and my uncle…and for loving me. I’ll try to be a good daughter. Promise.

    I haven’t seen ghosts or angels in a long time. Is that good?

    Do you think my brother will like me? I hope he does. I hope he likes all the stories I’ll tell him.

    I promise to protect him and be a good sister, and – if I remember how, when he’s older – I’ll teach him to draw angels in the air.

    Then we’ll be safe.

    I love you Daddy
    Your Yasmine

    Submitted on 2007-05-31 17:08:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Ei Bill.

    Was there a Chapter 1? or 2? If there was could you send me a copy? If there isn't any well... it's no big deal.

    'Cause I can definitely work with what I've got right now.

    What I love the most is how it gives you a stain glassed view of these small lives. The element of suspense was so strong that it generally became the foundation of the piece.

    I couldn't help but try to overtake the story... although I must admit... who Leandro was seemed to have robbed me of my orgasm. But it's alright because I did "cum" after the last letter from Jasmine.

    It actually makes a great thriller... I'm not sure if that's what you're going for but... yes it does. And I love how it doesn't just settle for being a thriller... (Mystic River much...) I love how it aims to capitalizes on certain things - like how these tragedies affect everyone. You know... the landings behind the landing. I also love how the personal issues and little details bring the characters closer to the reader.

    About Bobby's condition... is it OCD or just paranoia? Or is it just fear... in the plainest sense?

    The situation between him and Jasmine also reminded me of that movie... "the King." I forgot who directed it... but I do remember it stars Gael Garcia Bernal. Anyway, this reminds me of that because it sort of translate the whole sins-of-the-father-sins-of-the-son thingy... well in this case... they're not really sins... and they're not necessarilly negative... are they?

    Ah [censored].

    Anyway... what's important is that it got me.

    Thank you.
    | Posted on 2007-06-01 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      the perfect ending though i am sad its over truth be told.
    you may not have noticed but i really got into this whole thing

    the thought struck me at 2:38am a coupla days ago that uncle was a brother just not a blood one. im not sure why. i guess i was looking for a plausible reason for him to be who he was and yet not at the same time lol.
    im forever falling in love with the bad guys without realising...

    i like this ending. i really do bill.
    theres something about the fact that everyone gets to be happy that works in this story. as if happiness, after all the grief and turmoil, is something they deserve if that makes sense...

    i love the relationship uncle and bobby had.
    i say that because it seems to me the soul tie was so strong that at the point of bobbys death uncle must have known somehow. thats purely speculation on my part but because i have experienced such a phenomenon myself i cannot help but think that this would be the same for these two.

    the whole 'i loved you back then' thing threw me a little but thats coz its kinda an echo of my motheres marriage history... her third husband [who was a wanker] was the cousin of her first husband [who, oddly enough, was also a wanker haha]

    jasmine sounds a whole lot happier.
    somehow i get the idea that she isnt going to remember how to draw angels when her brother is grown up... and i think thats beautiful.

    seriously bill.
    this has been a STUNNING series.
    i am in complete awe of your ability to keep the twists real and plausible right throughout the 6 chapters. your ability to create the characters and give them their own voices.
    i could never come up with anything as magnificant as this if i tried (and i promise i am not exagerating at all)
    thank you for posting this here even if im the only one who worships you for doing so
    | Posted on 2007-06-01 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]