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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Enigma Machinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lord Bane
    ASL Info:    24/M/Isle of Wight, UK
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 40/81/50
    Words: 519
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 1271
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2849



    Description:
       My Portsmouth Uni Creative Writing piece, a sci-fi mystery story. Intended as short story, not sure whether to expand it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Enigma Machinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    As Paul relaxed back in the chair of the machine, a thought crossed his mind. He was puzzled by the name given to the device. It appeared little more than a virtual reality headset, so why someone had seen fit to coin such a ridiculous name for it was beyond his understanding.
    “Don’t worry,” said the professor, “this device is perfectly safe. In fact, the only problem is you might not want to take it off again.”
    Paul looked at the old man’s broad grin. Why did that statement not reassure him in the slightest? He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being paid far too little for this, but he remembered it was this or jail, so resigned himself to what was about to happen.
    Once the headset was over his head, for a second he could see nothing. Then something unusual caught his eye. Where moments before there had been nothing, a small stream ran past him and all around was the sound of birdsong. He thought it might be a lark singing, but where he came from no birdsong had been heard for centuries, so this was little more than a guess. When he dipped his hand in the water, he realised this was no illusion, that everything around him was real.
    He saw the scene flicker for a moment and suddenly found himself in the centre of a forest, in front of a door built into a tree root. Pushing the door open, he found an old lady sleeping in a chair by a roaring fire. He saw the shell of a half eaten boiled egg on the table and began walking over to try and eat it, when the old lady woke up and smiled at him.
    “I’ve been expecting you,” she said “Neil told me to knit something especially for your arrival. I even composed a little song for you, in case you forgot Rachel.”
    Paul froze at the mention of that name. The only Rachel he knew was the ex-girlfriend of his murdered by the same man he now faced jail for killing. What was this machine doing? How could it possibly know that without reading his mind? Then he remembered the professor's description of the device. It tapped into the stream of consciousness within everyone, finding the root of their greatest fears and bringing them to life.
    Suddenly, all willingness to lark around with this reality was gone from him, as he watched the lady change in front of him: from the lovely old woman, to a sinister shadowy figure looming towards him with great speed. Unable to compose himself fully, he pulled a gun from his belt, firing the only shell he had left. It hit the creature, only for him to see the wounded bone knit itself together again in front of his eyes.
    He removed the headset instantly and stood up, moving with a flicker, still suffering from the effects of the machine. The room was empty but for one thing: a coin lying on the floor, engraved with the message: ‘You cannot escape me that easily’.




    Submitted on 2007-06-01 10:24:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think it fits as a short story...although even as short stories go it is rather...short .

    i don't understand why he would not want to take it back off if the device is meant to bring your greatest fears to life in front of your eyes.

    if it were me, i would have chosen jail.

    some things, you were just not meant to face.

    excellent write yet again.

    ~kryslee~
    | Posted on 2008-07-24 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
      that was really impressive- i liked all the twists in it :) it would make a really good long story expanded
    | Posted on 2007-06-17 00:00:00 | by Mina Liston | [ Reply to This ]
      very good. im glad to see someone else writes stories on this site besides me! great imagery, good use of words and detail. nice.
    write on,
    Lanna
    | Posted on 2007-06-04 00:00:00 | by EmeRalDEyeZ5491 | [ Reply to This ]
      o_o This should be made into a movie. I'd watch it.
    | Posted on 2007-06-03 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngelKat | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that you should expand it only if you have enough good ideas to be able to do it properly. Don't just expand it for the sake of doing so. Although, I think that it could work as a full story.

    I'm sorry, but I can't comment on the twist at the end. Being typically me, as soon as I read in your description that there would be a twist at the end, that was the part I read first. Sorry.

    But I liked it, which is an achievement as I tend to avoid anything at all sci-fi. I think I liked it cause it wasn't as 'sci-fi' as I thought it would be.

    Sorry, for the terrible comment, PM me later and I'll give a decent one.
    | Posted on 2007-06-01 00:00:00 | by Fifi | [ Reply to This ]


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