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    dots Submission Name: The Warplord Saga - The Prologuedots

    Author: Lord Bane
    ASL Info:    24/M/Isle of Wight, UK
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 40/81/50
    Words: 412
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 761
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2408

       This is the prologue to the books i may one day write. By the way, the character I'm named after is not in this scene, he does not appear for a fair while. Unfortunately, there isn't an adventure type on the list, hence putting Misc as type

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Warplord Saga - The Prologuedots

    At the very boundaries of our solar system, a ship hung silent and motionless. A tall figure walked along its corridors towards the bridge and, having entered, stopped next to the throne sat at its centre.
    "My lord," he said nervously, "the results of the last sweep have arrived. There was no sign of it anywhere."
    "Where else is there left?"
    "There are only four systems we have not searched," he said. He handed him the list he had been carrying.
    "We had best head for Earth then. No fool would have left it there, plus we are such a short distance from it. Set a course for Earth, and let us be done here as quickly as possible."

    On a distant, icy world a cloaked figure stared across the valley at the jet black fortress nestled on the top of a hill opposite him. After a moment he set forth towards it on his horse, barely flinching as the gates were thrown open to welcome him. He continued on through the inner doors, only stopping in the hall of the fortress when two guards took the reins of his horse. Nodding to the guard who had pointed down a side passage, he set off towards the large wooden doors at the end.
    The two guards moved aside to allow him through and he entered an immense throne room. Sat on six thrones on the edges of the room were men who appeared more ancient than most could imagine. Reaching the middle of the room, the figure threw his hood back, revealing the face of a world-weary old man.
    "My lords, I bring to you disturbing news."
    The figures stirred, suddenly aware of this intruder.
    "The moment we have long feared has finally arrived. As we speak our foes are on the verge of discovering him, even though as yet they are unaware of this. I come hear to seek your aid," said the old man.
    "This is not our concern," said the central figure. "He was your pupil once, I am sure you can stop him from discovering the prize he seeks. Go, and bother us no longer."
    "I understand, I will travel directly there," said the clearly frustrated traveller.
    "One last thing Prophet," said one of the figures. "You more than any of us know what is at stake. The enemy cannot discover him or his true identity. The lives of every mortal being may depend on his survival."

    Submitted on 2007-06-01 14:17:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      first impression...this seems interesting. although i was let down in the first paragraph simply because everyone knows that one of the only places left to search is earth, without even reading it. that was the only part that kind of disappointed me, although i know that if you have something familiar in a story you're more likely to get people to read it...
    same goes for having everything completely unfamiliar and getting curiosity stirred.

    either way, despite it being a tad predictable, the rest of it was attention catching.

    you leave us wondering who they are talking about, what they are searching for, who are these ancient figures...

    and for risk of sounding cliché...
    you left me wanting more.

    | Posted on 2008-07-24 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
      Finally something that's not by blackbird.

    Anyway, oooh interesting start. A jolly ending line that helps draw the reader in.
    "men who appeared more ancient than most could imagine."-ya know to spice it up a little comsider not useing the word 'ancient' or anything like it. It'd be better if you used some kind of imagery to emphersise this point. I dunno like; men who's faces who should have long rotted...okay, that was quite pants but I hope you get the picture.

    Loved the contridiction of with a 'cloaked figure' and a 'jet black forest' to the world being 'icy' (white) because the opposing colours really stands out when imagining.
    However 'jet black'. Perhaps ditch the 'jet' for something less Cliché.

    Overall, nice prologue Lord Bane
    *the salute of insanity*

    | Posted on 2007-06-06 00:00:00 | by AteMyBackpack | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, its a lot more complicated than that its the PROLOGUE after all hehe (besides will prob change b4 it actually turns into a book)
    | Posted on 2007-06-06 00:00:00 | by Lord Bane | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, I think George Lucas already did this in a film series called Star Wars. You should check it out sometime.
    | Posted on 2007-06-04 00:00:00 | by Ur.Poems.Suck | [ Reply to This ]

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