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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: *Untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 924
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 874



    Description:
       i wrote this poem with another friend...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*Untitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I sit here, I think
    I think about you
    About all the times you made me cry
    About all the nasty things you said

    As I sit here, I think
    I think about me
    About how happy I was
    About how hurt I am now

    As I sit here, I think
    I think about then
    About When you said you loved me
    About when you actually cared

    As I sit here, I think
    I think about what happened
    How I was Accused of a crime I didn't commit
    How my heart was toyed with and now won't mend

    As I sit here, I think
    I think about her
    Does she like your kiss as much as I did
    Does she love you the way I did

    As I sit here, I think
    I think about the future
    About moving on
    About that hot guy I saw today




    Submitted on 2007-06-01 14:54:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like what you have written here it really explains youre feelings. I am wondering, if you can take the actual emotions, imagery, feelings, from that and use words to get those across. IE Dont just tell the reader you were hurt but also say how that hurt felt in an original way ie. not my heart was broken or shattered etc... The following lines may then fit much better and it will be an even better read.

    "How I was Accused of a crime I didn't commit
    How my heart was toyed with and now won't mend"

    Just my thoughts...stormy
    | Posted on 2007-09-03 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      Kudos on not being able to tell that this was written by more than one author. Not many can do that without each switch of the keyboard of pen sounding like the other person.
    "How I was Accused of a crime I didn't commit
    How my heart was toyed with and now won't mend"
    This seems to be the meat of the poem, but it doesn't seem to fit well with the other stanzas. Though that sounds like a bad thing, it really isn't. It lets me see what exactly the home point was.
    Good job, and nice ending!
    Cheers,
    ~Persephone~



    | Posted on 2007-06-05 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
      This is pretty good
    In this write I can feel the pain you still carry with you about breaking up with someone you felt was very important to you moving forward
    The good news is the very last line
    That line shows how strong you really are in that you are able to forget the past and its pain and move forward
    EXCELLENT JOB!!!
    I am real happy to see you posting again I missed you
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-06-01 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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