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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: CITY OF ANGELSdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sbridges
    ASL Info:    33/F/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 119/119/63
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1073
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 395



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCITY OF ANGELSdots
    -------------------------------------------


    a sea of stars beneath me
    insomniacs twinkling
    the glowing fruit of the hillside trees
    freeways flowing like fresh lava
    cars are comets
    billboards become resilient flags
    and all these lights tickle my eyes
    a glitter-sprinkled land
    of moon-lit faces,
    when I roam amongst them,
    souls brilliant, sparkling like heavenly diamonds




    Submitted on 2007-06-02 13:21:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nice, but you might want to work on the flow a bit. I get a feeling of loneliness, and, yet, I don't I haven't a clue what to feel.... I like your imagery, though, even thoug I can't get a clear picture of what it is pointing out...

    In the way of suggestions, I would say that you might want to add a bit more feeling, or at least clearer feeling. You may wish to add a bit more. I can't say that this is a landscape poem, but it seems to be a cross between a few types here.

    I don't think that my comments are really helping, but I sincerely hope that it does....

    ~Zara
    | Posted on 2007-06-04 00:00:00 | by Zara | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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