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    dots Submission Name: Human Beingsdots

    Author: Specdro
    ASL Info:    28/Of Course/NY
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 21/53/38
    Words: 34
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 863
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 337

       I was just playing with word flow, please feel free to tear it apart ;)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHuman Beingsdots

    Distant distractions
    Wandering thoughts
    Fatal attractions
    Minds distraught

    Pretty people
    Disappear in the dark
    Talking truth
    Speaks like a spark

    Unfortunate misfortunes
    Foreseeing the unseen
    Criminal extortions
    Humans being human beings

    Submitted on 2007-06-02 18:10:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like the Humans being human beings it is kind of a nice sound to it. I think the first stanza is great and the middle one is almost there but it does not quit fit. I think you have only really captured one half of what being human is all about. You mention evil and shallowness but what about the things that make people worth knowing.
    | Posted on 2007-06-04 00:00:00 | by SonAsylum | [ Reply to This ]
      Is this something that took you a long time to write? I have to wonder because it starts out phenomenally. That first stanza is great; don't change it.

    But then things get progressively worse.

    Speaks like a spark.

    I don't think that quite fits in with the style of this write, and it felt out of place. I'd reword a little bit without losing the meaning.

    Unfortunate misfortunes

    I understand what you were trying to do here, but I think it was executed poorly. The two words mean the same thing, and it's more like repetition than clever word play.

    Foreseeing the unseen


    Humans being human beings

    ehh....it just doesn't fit in your flow, and bad endings can majorly screw up a poem. I also think in this you don't really need to put your title in the poem itself. You could easily come up with a closing line that has nothing to do with the word human and still have your point come across through the rest of the poem. It would probably make rewording easier.

    But the first stanza was pretty great, and I think with some polishing this could be a really awesome write.

    Keep writing
    | Posted on 2007-06-03 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]

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