[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Love you till never.dots

    Author: Cricket
    ASL Info:    19/F/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    2.48 - 81/51/27
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 633
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 291

       read it and if you dont understand then ask someone else cause i dont eather...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove you till never.dots

    Gaze into my hollow eyes
    Reminiscing about our futile try's
    Swallow up the countless lies

    Your screams fill the abyss with silance
    Dreaming continually for some guidance
    Blame mother nature for my violence

    Love you till never...

    Submitted on 2007-06-02 20:14:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      *Silence - lose the 'w/' and put 'with.' (Don't be lazy..)

    'love you till never' doesn't work for me, repeation in this poem is crap, lose it.

    'try's' doesn't look right to me. 'tries' would be better.

    'blame mother nature for my violence'
    why blame her? Isn't this about love and how it's lost?

    It also seems unfinished..
    two stanzas? With repeation?
    Change it, and let me know when it's finished.
    Overall... nice write, good use of words.

    I like it.

    | Posted on 2007-06-09 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      nice write.

    gaze into my hollow eyes
    reminiscing about our futile try's
    swallow up the countless lies

    that was my favorite part. keep writing!
    | Posted on 2007-06-03 00:00:00 | by AdrienneCale | [ Reply to This ]
      ...I wonder too, dear.
    we only guess, i would say.
    hmm, abstraction is so lovely.
    | Posted on 2007-06-03 00:00:00 | by rAbit | [ Reply to This ]
      sweet poem. its rather nice.
    | Posted on 2007-06-02 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    AI written by poetotoe
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Etiquette written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Shi written by ShyOne
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Every..... written by jackz
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Push written by JanePlane
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Carry written by saartha
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]