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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love you till never.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cricket
    ASL Info:    19/F/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    2.48 - 81/51/27
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 654
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 291



    Description:
       read it and if you dont understand then ask someone else cause i dont eather...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove you till never.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Gaze into my hollow eyes
    Reminiscing about our futile try's
    Swallow up the countless lies

    Your screams fill the abyss with silance
    Dreaming continually for some guidance
    Blame mother nature for my violence

    Love you till never...




    Submitted on 2007-06-02 20:14:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      *Silence - lose the 'w/' and put 'with.' (Don't be lazy..)

    'love you till never' doesn't work for me, repeation in this poem is crap, lose it.

    'try's' doesn't look right to me. 'tries' would be better.

    'blame mother nature for my violence'
    why blame her? Isn't this about love and how it's lost?

    It also seems unfinished..
    two stanzas? With repeation?
    Change it, and let me know when it's finished.
    Overall... nice write, good use of words.

    I like it.

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2007-06-09 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      nice write.

    gaze into my hollow eyes
    reminiscing about our futile try's
    swallow up the countless lies

    that was my favorite part. keep writing!
    | Posted on 2007-06-03 00:00:00 | by AdrienneCale | [ Reply to This ]
      ...I wonder too, dear.
    we only guess, i would say.
    hmm, abstraction is so lovely.
    | Posted on 2007-06-03 00:00:00 | by rAbit | [ Reply to This ]
      sweet poem. its rather nice.
    | Posted on 2007-06-02 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]


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