I Never by jjd

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Submission Name: I Never dots

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Author:	jjd
ASL Info:	15/m/goergia
Elite Ratio:	2.34 - 17/57/24
Words:	150

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	297
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	868

Description:

I Never

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I Can't stop thinking of you.
You may think i'm crazy,
But I know this is true.
I wish I could leave
I wish we had a world,
With just you and me
This is it!
Who I love.
Its here or there.
Your an Angel from up above.
What do I have to do to win you.
Buy the world?
Or just be me?
I can see this now
And im not going to bring you down,
Because I don't want to run your life,
Or make you sacrifice your opportunity to find your perfect one.
So there I told you how I feel.
You probably want to kill me
Or might want to make me heal.
Im giving everything I have just to be with a girl like you...
Forget me now and walk away,
Or tell me that's the way you feel too.

Submitted on 2007-06-03 14:33:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this is super awesome!
love,
~Liz~
| Posted on 2009-07-12 00:00:00 | by ShadowGaze | [ Reply to This ]
  Ah. The beginning of this poem reminded me of one that I wrote along time ago...Sigh. It was a real long time ago. But it was about love also, and I understand what you are saying in this poem. Again, the only thing I see wrong with it, is the grammar errors. Keep up the great work!
| Posted on 2008-01-17 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]
  great poem.its very awesome. so real.

rip & rot
'Grim
| Posted on 2007-12-03 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok,I don't know if you want help.
Or,you just want people to comment.
I'm going to be nice,and give you both.
Reason is,your poetry could be better with some work.
I also read all of your poetry,you need to do a spell check.
If you don't know where to find spell check.
Do you have an msn,or yahoo,or google acount?
If you do,go there open your compose,type out your poem.
Hit the spell check,and it will find the errors you have made.
If you do this,you just might have more comments on you poetry.

Now for this poem here,

If you take out the Can't in this line here,

I never
Can't stop thinking of you.
You may think im crazy

Maybe try this

I could never stop
thinking of you.

or this
I can't stop
thinking of you

this line here i would change in to and

with just you in me

try this,

With just you and me
This is it....
Who I love.

I could go on and help you more,but I think you should do it.Reason being is,thats how you learn.
Anyways,I hope you listen and do a spell check

| Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by Sashenka | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the second part of this write, but the beginning of it had way to much colloquial language. This write would defiantly benefit from a revision Overall I can see the deep emotion in this and thats what counts.
Keep on writing.
~chelle
| Posted on 2007-06-04 00:00:00 | by Priestess | [ Reply to This ]

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