Description: A perfect girl once try to know me, she is perfect. She tried to chat with me, she tried to ask me questions, she even borrow my notes. Well for me it sounds like dream. I think i am just an ordinary guy. Actually the last two stanza were not real hehe, i actually never ask her to be my GF. Any advice and comments are welcomed.
Colder than Snow -------------------------------------------
A called so queen,
She was staring at me.
A living Goddless,
Whom every man put their eyes on.
Was it a dream?
The look like crystal eyes.
Teeth that resembles Pearls.
A gleaming lips made you perfect.
No day without your smile.
I saved every words you said.
All wish is to be by your side.
Should i ask for more?
But,
An ignorance for my love,
Hundred stabs toward my feeling.
You are truly colder than snow.
Hehe thanks for reading my work, i am glad that you like it. Yeah the flow is kind of strange on the last stanza, i will try to tweak it hehe. Thank you very much. I am looking forward to reading your comment on my other poetry.
I like this! It shows feelings that sting the heart and something that we'll all experience.
However, you need to work on your flow and a bit on your imagery. The words themselves are quite great, but you still need to work on the flow of them and such.
I think that otherwise, this is an incredibly poem. I like the idea that you put in here. Keep writing! Especially stuff with views such as this. It is truly inspiring!
Submission Name: Colder than Snow
