Do you have parents who are too restricting?
Do they control your life?
Do they have a habit of making you eat everything on your plate?
Do they: set curfew, restrict T.V, make you do chores,
Tell you to turn your music down,
Make you wear a belt because they don’t want to see your crack
Or the back of your thighs,
Or do they just don’t understand you?
Well no more
Thanks to a new revolutionary system of subtle
Systematic adolescent homicide
Where you will learn how to kill
Your Mom and or Dad
In the best way
Slow and painful
Thanks to
How to Kill a Parent
How to Kill a Parent is a system built
For the sole purpose of making your parent’s lives
Miserable
But don’t take my word for it
Just listen to some satisfied teens who’ve changed
Their lives with the How to Kill a Parent system
“Um, Hi my name is Jill and ever since I started using the How to Kill a Parent system my Mom’s hair has turned twice as gray, the bags under her eyes could hold bowling balls, and she cries at least twice a day.”
“The names Blaze and ever since I got the How to Kill a Parent system my dad has lost two inches off his waist and two years off his life.”
How to Kill a Parent is a step-by-step instruction manual
With exclusive and effective techniques
To help you in the killing process
A few techniques include: how to lie through your teeth,
How to sneak out of the house, how to avoid chores,
How to take the child lock off the computer,
How to total the family car while driving under the influence
On a suspended license
And what you will come to know as the suicide shuffle
There are six critical Stages To Empty Parents
Or STEPs
STEP one: Questions
Start asking as many as you can think up
Or they can choke down
Why do I have to take out the trash?
Why can’t I go?
How can you do this to me?
What’s a rusty hook?
Where do my real parents live?
Why me?
STEP two: Defiance
Remember, they’re not the boss of you
After all, if they were, you wouldn’t be listening to this
Would you?
STEP three: Individualize
Change your look
Your style
Your walk
This all depends on the parent
If your Mom is a suburban housewife soccer Mom
Then I’d suggest the borderline suicidal Goth
With an affinity for hardcore drugs
And wrist razorblade fiddle play
If your Dad is a freethinking tree hugging liberal
Then the slutty superficial credit card sniffing
Girly girl who likes to eat her jock boyfriend’s face
At the dinner table
Would be an excellent choice
And don’t forget to douse yourself
In lethal shades of pink
STEP four: Worry
Late nights with no call
Bad taste in friends, drop grades, skip school
Assault hobos just because you can
Rack up phone bills
Drive reckless, get arrested, punch out windows
Kick family pets just because you can
Burn holes, key cars
Break things, throw things, smash things
Attempt suicide just because you can
STEP five: Justify
Nothing injures ego like having
Mistakes thrown in your face
So do it as much as you can
Just remember
If they did it
So can you
STEP six: Execute
This is the most critical STEP
But we don’t have time to tell you what it is
So order the manual and it will tell you
Exactly what to do
How to Kill a Parent can be yours for
One easy payment of $29.99, cash only
Order in the next five minutes and get your own
Copy of the Anarchist Cookbook
Free
Just pay shipping and handling
How to Kill a Parent has already been used
By millions of selfish teens with misplaced angst
And it is truly the best way to ruin
A father’s goodnight sleep
Or a mother’s fragile self esteem
If you want to take life
From the people
Who gave it to you
Then call now |
Submission Name: How to Kill a Parent
