Description: I don't really think it needs a description. It ends... kind of abruptly but it feels right to me.
Thanks for reading
Closing Time on the Dancefloor -------------------------------------------
Sickly, slyly, sweetly,
Dryly drinking from deep cups.
Staring blankly at strobe lights
And girls who ignite passions with their hips and their smiles.
A dancefloor for two –
Sinfully dipping into liquor and deep brown eyes,
Hazy with smoke and deep brown tears,
And clouded by love on broken lips.
Are you old enough to go to clubs? LOL
I think for the most part you present a very clear picture here. Reminds me of a country song -- "The Girls All Get Prettier at Closing Time." Haha.
If it were mine, which it isn't, I would take out two words - the second "their" in line four, and "Sinfully." Let the reader come to that judgement on his own - or not.
Also a slight nitpick about a consistenecy problem: You mention the girls (plural) but then mention a dancefloor for two, which I assume means only ONE girl and you. I could see it if you were writing about finding the one girl across the room, your eyes lock on each other and everythign else in the room disappears, blah, blah, blah - but that's not really the story you are telling here. Or is it?