Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Beautiful Monster

Author: Voodoo_Lounge
ASL Info:    21/F/OH
Elite Ratio:    2.29 - 408 /588 /171
Words: 95
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 1860
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 618


I know that alot of this is cliché BUT- i tried to get rid of all that and it greatly took away from the poem. So i'll leave it as it stands. Is it obvious that i was reading Rimbaud when i wrote this or is it just me? (the last stanza is my absolute favorite, that and the 1st :) )

Beautiful Monster

Not a choice, as much as a demand,
I hear what you've got to say.
And how loudly you speak
In your own quiet way!

Your eyes are half the conversation,
And just as much of the room.
Whispering of domination,
A kiss that equals doom.

You were the only one,
The only one i'll ever need.
Plunging me into desperation,
You could make my heart bleed.

You wrap your arms around me,
How easily you pull me under!
Water swirling in murky confusion-
My monstrous girl, you make me wonder!

Submitted on 2004-02-02 21:22:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  i think this whole cliché thing is being blown out of proportion. overall the poem had a great feeling to it. nice rythm and rhyme. dont scratch a damn thing!
| Posted on 2004-02-03 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, I think the cliché bits could be replaced , but there is not that many of them(---"make my heart bleed".. "You wrap your arms around me"),Most is original and the rhythm is good, and I also like the last stanza. Nice, Silver
| Posted on 2004-02-03 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  nice flow, nice rhythm... great imagery... nice write altogether
| Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?