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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Open The Door dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 280
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 935
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1782



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOpen The Door dots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Open the door, its me. You don't know what I'd do for you. What do I have to do for you to come back... open the door."

    Today, I have been struck by your twisted love,
    Can't believe all this pain knowing I won't have you again.

    Come on,
    Open the door,
    I know that you are in,
    Why try to hide from me?
    Don't you remember?
    It's not my first time here,
    Those nights of loving heat,
    Don't you remember?

    I'd love to be with you,
    but its just impossible;
    Its ironic how one day you claim that it's love and the other you don't know,
    I don't seem to understand it,
    you say it's best for me,
    So why is it so painful?

    Do you remember the crying?
    What about how hard I was trying?
    Just to put a smile on that face,
    but things turned a darker shade now,
    Remember how I cared for you?
    When no one else was there?
    My shoulder soaked with your tears,
    Do you really not remember?

    Come on,
    Open the door,
    I know that you are in,
    Why try to hide from me?
    Don't you remember?
    It's not my first time here,
    The long and tender kiss,
    Those nights of loving heat,
    Don't you remember?

    "It hurts to have had to find out the truth like this, now I understand that nothing is wrong with me... just you and I weren't meant to be... Hopefully you will end up happy... for both of us"

    Today, I have been struck by your twisted love,
    Can't believe all this pain knowing I won't have you again.




    Submitted on 2007-06-06 13:37:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the perspective you take - the guy knocking on (I assume) the girls door. The repetition of this part keeps it going and makes it seem pretty real.

    I think the opening and final quoted parts don't work too well, and neither does the 'Today, I have...you again'. The poem feels stronger as that solid centre block. I think you could probably still keep the sentiment in these lines but it would work better if woven into the rest of the piece.

    I did enjoy it though, thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2007-06-06 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]


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