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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sunset at the Beachdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: maltestrauss
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 6/3/4
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 643
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 507



    Description:
       I live in Florida and enjoy the Weather, the landscape and the spectacular sunsets that embrace us in the evening hours. Here is an attempt to capture that in a verse. I hope you like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSunset at the Beachdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The day declines,
    the breeze slow dies,
    the sun turns red
    and so the skies,
    first rose and turquoise
    smooth in shade,
    then deep red
    when the light does fade
    away in purple night
    and shines
    like burgundy
    deep dark red wines.
    The hovering ball
    descends away,
    to hide behind
    the glowing bay,
    and takes away
    remaining light
    unfolding sparkling
    dark black night.




    Submitted on 2007-06-06 17:44:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      sweet colors my dear
    and welcome to the site
    | Posted on 2007-06-14 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      The short lines keep the pace going well. If you're trying to stick to using punctuation then maybe something needs to be done with
    'then deep red
    when the light does fade
    away in purple night
    and shines
    like burgundy
    deep dark red wines.'

    I know you may be trying to emphasise how it can be read two ways (the light does fade/does fade away in purple) but it makes the whole thing quite odd on the page and strange to read. Maybe just look over it again and see what you think.

    Other than that...
    You could be describing any sunset, over any stretch of water, anywhere in the world. That could be either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your perspective. If you want this to be personal to Florida then maybe add some distinguishing features.

    Thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2007-06-06 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]


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