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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fatal Wounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zara
    ASL Info:    16,Female, U.S.
    Elite Ratio:    5.64 - 13/16/10
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 141
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1388



    Description:
       This poem has deep meaning to me as well as some of my friends. See if you can find that meaning.... And what do you think of it? I really want to know what you HONESTLY think. (The pic isn't the best, but I wrote the poem before finding it...)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFatal Wounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Heart beating in my ears,
    Eyes clenched tightly,
    Fists pressed against my heart,
    Air rushing into me,
    Painful daggers.

    Pain erupting,
    Strength leaving,
    Mirror shatter,
    Leave me be.

    Each breathe come with pain,
    The air that enters,
    Is glass from the glittering sea,
    Cutting me up,
    Inside and out.

    It rushes towards me,
    The edges,
    Cutting deeply,
    Leave me be.

    My heart is bleeding,
    Red falling,
    Wounded fatally,
    I lay dieing.

    Rain turns to glass,
    Glass cuts deeply,
    Lovely and fine,
    Deadly and rigid,
    Falling on me now.

    Pain meets me,
    Each breath harder,
    Each beat fainter,
    Heart, keep beating,
    Just keep breathing.

    How will I,
    Survive,
    This fatal wound?

    Getting up,
    I leave the pain,
    Moving on,
    I try to forget,
    But pain remains,
    Turn away,
    Look the other way.

    Fatally wounded,
    I walk a line,
    Fighting dread,
    Contemplating death.

    On the edge,
    Teetering above the sea of glass,
    Refuse to die,
    Still fighting,
    I’ve been fatally wounded,
    Scarred for life.




    Submitted on 2007-06-07 00:08:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this type of poetry fascinates me. the lines are so breif and yet they convey much, is this some element of modern poetry, im more of a classical one in terms of lengthy lines with philisophical significance. but this is more of emotional thought than intelectual. And if you put them in common sentence form you get only eleven lines. cant wait to see more
    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by Seraphim X | [ Reply to This ]
      Well if its deep personal meaning it will be hard for anyone else to completely get it. To me it seems like heartbreak, pure and simple. Heartbreak so bad that it feels like it has scarred for life. Like it is beyond recovery and wondering whether it is worth it.

    I don't know if you mean breath when you say 'Each breathe come with pain'. Otherwise it doesn't make sense.

    You use some good similes/metaphors (comparing the glass to the glittering sea stands out) but some of the stuff is also pretty typical of a depressed/heartbreak type poem (the rhetorical 'how will I survive?')

    The short lines... I don't know how I feel about really. Usually short lines equate to speed but it isn't really like that here. Maybe you don't want it to? I don't know.

    Thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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