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Touch This


Author: Suven7
ASL Info:    20 female Fla
Elite Ratio:    7.08 - 478 /260 /47
Words: 167
Class/Type: Poetry /Romance
Total Views: 699
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1088



Description:


Dedicated to those who can only imagine the touch of somebody's hand.


Touch This



The touch of his hand.
Hair splayed out on her pillow,
Watching the flicker of light
Under her bedroom door,
It was the touch of his hand
That left her immobile
And dreaming of the more in
‘There could have been more.’

There could have been more.
His handshake told her so.
She dreamt of holding on
Forever but the now then had
Told her to let go.

A shy smile had accompanied
The shake shake as sweet
Conversation ensued.
They were well on their way to
Friendship when, emboldened,
Flirting chose to intrude.

As she laid frustrated on her bed
His flustered words echoed loud.
‘I gotta go’ he had said
And added more that had been
Drowned out by the crowd.

She felt like weeping.
Unbeknownst to her,
The same hand that
Held her then
Held her now
As he laid awake that night
Imagining-
The touch of her hand.





Submitted on 2007-06-07 00:39:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I also enjoyed LucyDiamond's (insert speechless speech here.)
That made me laugh, but the poem has that effect. It reminds me of how often this happens in the anime scene. One quick question though, In the third stanza, did you mean to put shake shake? Seeing as how someone else pointed it out, I'm guessing you did. But I'm still curious about your reasons. It was a really good poem that truly moved me. (Not hard to do, but still). Thanks.

The Bird
| Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]
  It was this part that I could most relate with:
There could have been more.
His handshake told her so.
She dreamt of holding on
Forever but the now then had
Told her to let go.
I like your mix of truth and fiction to create a truely dramatic scene. Afterall sometimes it's not the actual events but the feelings behind them. It was still very interesting and somewhat erotic to read. Haha. The feeling of loniless and missing someone special is very apparent here, and I believe that's wha tyou attempted. Great job Mi.

8)
Love, Andy
| Posted on 2007-07-05 00:00:00 | by Olah89 | [ Reply to This ]
  (insert speechless speech here.)

This makes me smile. It shares something that is very intimate, I think, at least. The last stanza of course is what seals the deal. Haha.
But— ouch! The emptiness that
"It was the touch of his hand
That left her immobile
And dreaming of the more in
‘There could have been more.’"
reeks of. Sigh. If only I didn't know what you were talking about. It can be extremely lonely when you are imagining; oh, I'd feel much better now, I know, if I had that one embrace... that could make the world 100% better.

I especially enjoyed the lines
"She dreamt of holding on
Forever but the now then had
Told her to let go."
I read these a few times. I like it. I like it. I like it.

It seems to me that you tied in a few ideas here... Loneliness, Young Flirtation; Heartbreak:

And this means that I like it. A lot.
;-P
Peace!!! -Lucy
| Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like this. The things we want to do but are too afraid to. The uncertainties. Waiting for the other person to be bold and make the first move.

Some of the enjambement doesn't feel right as I read this.

'She dreamt of holding on
Forever but the now then had'

and

'A shy smile had accompanied
The shake shake as sweet
Conversation ensued.'

don't read very well to me. Maybe you read it right but from page to my lips it doesn't really work.

There's nothing too complex here but that works well - the situation isn't complicated, even if they both make it complicated. Good stuff. Thanks for the read.
| Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]


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