[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Cluedots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Venting
    Total Views: 450
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 258

       my favorite line is the first. i think its clever. if you dont... well, i dont care. its about me because its mine

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    pick up a game piece and get a clue
    this is what i want you to do
    i want you to stop think about just you
    and think of us two
    and all the things we can do
    and all the times you make my world blue
    that shit aint cool

    Submitted on 2007-06-07 11:47:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey there girl! I know you are going through some difficult times and it never helps when someone says, "this too shall pass", but focusing on time and distance doesn't make it any different than what "IT" is right now - believe me, I too know.

    Maybe you can do something special for him - make him a scrapbook or learn a song or something that will keep you busy and then the time passes more quickly.

    You are strong - no good with the blame on yourself either - that's now past and all there is is to move on.

    special love,peace,joy,laughs and smiles to share with you

    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      When you say game piece, i think of chess, well, perhaps, you mean something else but chess is a fine metaphor too.

    on the whole, this piece intrigues the reader , makes us think , and for writing advice i'll say, make it a bit longer, if possible, no doubt , its precision is admirable too but if i love it, i ask for more.

    very nice piece,

    Keep writing,
    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by Parul garg | [ Reply to This ]
      it good until the last line....the rhyme thing was working and i liked that very much. a simple few lines conveying a complicated and persuasive strength.

    i could almost see some sleeze bag in his thirties walking up to a pretty girl he'd had a cruh on in high school in a mini skirt, purring the lines out...the girl raise an eyebrow at him in interest until he get to the last two lines...

    and all the times you make my world blue
    that [censored] aint cool

    she grimaces in both confusion and digust and the sleeze bag just saunters aay laughing his ass off.

    yeah well thanks for making me think all that up. its good to think i guess.

    and i apologize if ive thought tpoo much about this, more then u intended.

    yeah. have fun.

    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Live In Between written by teika5
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Gaia written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]