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    dots Submission Name: Cluedots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Venting
    Total Views: 483
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 258

       my favorite line is the first. i think its clever. if you dont... well, i dont care. its about me because its mine

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    pick up a game piece and get a clue
    this is what i want you to do
    i want you to stop think about just you
    and think of us two
    and all the things we can do
    and all the times you make my world blue
    that shit aint cool

    Submitted on 2007-06-07 11:47:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey there girl! I know you are going through some difficult times and it never helps when someone says, "this too shall pass", but focusing on time and distance doesn't make it any different than what "IT" is right now - believe me, I too know.

    Maybe you can do something special for him - make him a scrapbook or learn a song or something that will keep you busy and then the time passes more quickly.

    You are strong - no good with the blame on yourself either - that's now past and all there is is to move on.

    special love,peace,joy,laughs and smiles to share with you

    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      When you say game piece, i think of chess, well, perhaps, you mean something else but chess is a fine metaphor too.

    on the whole, this piece intrigues the reader , makes us think , and for writing advice i'll say, make it a bit longer, if possible, no doubt , its precision is admirable too but if i love it, i ask for more.

    very nice piece,

    Keep writing,
    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by Parul garg | [ Reply to This ]
      it good until the last line....the rhyme thing was working and i liked that very much. a simple few lines conveying a complicated and persuasive strength.

    i could almost see some sleeze bag in his thirties walking up to a pretty girl he'd had a cruh on in high school in a mini skirt, purring the lines out...the girl raise an eyebrow at him in interest until he get to the last two lines...

    and all the times you make my world blue
    that [censored] aint cool

    she grimaces in both confusion and digust and the sleeze bag just saunters aay laughing his ass off.

    yeah well thanks for making me think all that up. its good to think i guess.

    and i apologize if ive thought tpoo much about this, more then u intended.

    yeah. have fun.

    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

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