Description: To everyone that reads my poetry .Why doent you ever rate it? I mean really it would only take two seconds.Whatever hope you like the poem.
Becoming My Name -------------------------------------------
I saw you yesterday.
Sitting there.
I saw you playing.
Not haveing a single care.
I saw you when you smiled.
Not knowing the effect.
I saw you sigh into the deep ocean blue as I watched over you.
I saw you live each day not as another but as your own.
I saw you looking my way and thought.
Why do I intrest you.
Is it the abnormal way I laugh.
Is it the way I part my hair.
Tell me what it is so it'll be clear.
Tell what it is so I won't live in fear.
Please tell me so I'll know.
But then again.
Do you even know the reason?
When I think about it clearly I look at you the same way.
And even then I dont know why day after day.
So once I think about it maybe I wouldn't like to know.
You can have that as a secret.
From now on I don't care.
I dont care about the glamor ,the fame or fortune.
I watch you and see how you just go along with things but alawys manage to have your own personality.
So guess what.
I'm done with the glits and glamor and coming out of my shell.
I'm done with living in this hell the call fame.
And I'm becoming my name.
LIke when you talk about parting your hair.
It kinda gives the reader an insteresting look
inside of you. I liked it but I think it doesant
say quite enough. Or it could be longer.
It was a good read. But I am still, Left wanting.
Take care
Joshua
I apologise but I won't be rating either. I don't see how you can give something so subjective a rating :-/ sorry...
The poem itself reminds me a lot of my older stuff (which is no longer here, so no you can't compare :p). Everything is stated in a matter-of-fact way. Plain and simple. You don't want to be bound by rhyme so use it when you feel it fits but not necessarily to any particular effect (like continuing flow or linking two similar/contrasting ideas, although you do this on a couple of occasions).
The good: you have the ideas and the will. The style/craft comes with time so take my comments with a pinch of salt. Think about them (or this has been pointless) but know that if you keep reading, writing and criting other peoples stuff your writing will improve immeasurably.
Submission Name: Becoming My Name
