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    dots Submission Name: Once Upon a Rhyme dots

    Author: ConScribe
    ASL Info:    19/M/Tucson,AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.11 - 262/360/143
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 918
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1151

       Just sort of flowed out of me. Can't tell you exactly what I was thinking because it was over before I had a chance to reflect upon my own thoughts. I hope you enjoy.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOnce Upon a Rhyme dots

    Once Upon a Rhyme by Tyler James Conway

    Once upon a rhyme, I killed myself,
    Forgetting how to write the right rhyme
    As I was reborn in a basket at the doorstep of Hell,
    Crying tears that could have cured cancer
    Had they been collected like rain in your glass of wine.

    Once upon a rhyme, we had wings made of velvet memories,
    And indigo eyes that matched our indigo children
    Writing poems of prophecy on the bark of palm trees,
    Telling the birds and the bees that the light at the end
    Of the tunnel isn’t a train after all is forgotten.

    Once upon a rhyme I came to a clearing,
    Buried up to my bones as I turned over in Lucifer’s grave,
    Trying not to laugh as the darkness burnt my brain,
    Looking into the light of yet another life,
    Past the crack in my egg and into infinity.

    Once upon a rhyme, I wished for more wishes,
    Wishes for wishes for wishes, a chain of daisy wishes,
    Coming together to choke me like a noose…
    Once upon a rhyme, I killed myself with wishes…of you.

    Submitted on 2007-06-11 20:57:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      lots of great imagery.

    the start of the poem is very dark. about perhaps the persona killing himself and waking up in hell, but the last line sort o introduced another character that perhaps explained why the persona felt the way he felt etc.

    or am i over reading?


    great read, nonetheless :D
    | Posted on 2007-06-12 00:00:00 | by DeadPoetz | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty surreal. I'm not going to trail through it for meaning. As you say yourself, you didn't really know at the time either. I think it's probably best to just take the imagery for what it is worth because there are some powerful images here.

    The first line immediately startles you but the rest of that stanza loses some power when you can't make any sense out of it. That can be okay when it feels like there is a reason for it, an intention of the poet but it does just read like poetry for poetry's sake.

    I think you could take the best parts of this and use it as the foundation for a very good poem. Thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2007-06-12 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]

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