Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To find the wordsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lover girl
    ASL Info:    17, female
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 83/54/24
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 600
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 459



    Description:
       This is a poem that I wrote to my boyfriend. It is short, but I think that it gets my point across and I hope that ya'll will give me some good feedback. My guys name is Brien and I hope that you like this as much as I hope he does!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo find the wordsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wanted to express my feelings.
    I wanted to show that I care.
    I wanted to tell you I love you,
    And watch the clouds float though the air.

    To lay in the grass
    Your arms around me,
    Your body so close,
    A kiss on the lips,
    I will forever be yours.

    There is something about you.
    A gleam in your eye.
    The way of your touch,
    And I hope you’re the right guy.




    Submitted on 2007-06-11 22:37:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it's really cute, and quite simple to the point.. my only thing would be this verse doesnt fit with the rest of the poem.

    "To lay in the grass
    Your arms around me,
    Your body so close,
    A kiss on the lips,
    I will forever be yours."

    the other two verses have a set kindof rhythm/rhyme scheme happening but this is out of place.. because theres an extra line and theres rhyme here..

    so yes


    like it but wouldnt say i luv it

    MDP
    | Posted on 2007-06-13 00:00:00 | by MysterydarkPoet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is pretty good but I cant help but think of how great this write could be with a little more metaphors to capture the emotion you are writing about
    Brien is very lucky to have you as a a girlfriend
    This is a sweet tribute to his Love
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-06-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    144675

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry