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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Foileddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 8
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 804
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 60



    Description:
       Dedicated to Jase... don't know why.
    Couldn't bring myself to use aluMINium. ;)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFoileddots
    -------------------------------------------


    An aluminum cage
    Cannot contain
    A canary song.




    Submitted on 2007-06-12 00:14:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a sen-ryu, isn't it? To me, it is... three lines of under seventeen syllables... the first line is the intro, the last two the conclusion.

    To me, and in regards to your title... an alumini(u)m foil cage could never contain a canary's song... hell, nothing short of a soundproofed metal box could do this.

    Because it's not about the canary which is trapped... it's about a song...a song of freedom, a song which can always be heard even if the singer is trapped behind bars, metaphorically or literally so.

    As for nitpicks, it's pretty hard to critique three lines, don't you think? Lol. Maybe expand upon it... use this as an intro for a more 'full-fledged' work (pardon the pun).

    And thanks for the dedication... it made me laugh. ToMAHto, ToMAYto... who the hell cares, right?

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2007-06-12 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know. I think I would like to know what you feel it is about a canary song that is uncontainable. To be more to the point I find your poem a little meaningless. I mean cages by definition can only restrain physical movement and not sound. So, what's your point and is there a better way that you could say it?

    Rick
    | Posted on 2007-06-12 00:00:00 | by tagit | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. Short, direct. Makes you think. I'm not entirely sure what point you're getting at but it feels like there is one, or many. Maybe if I think about it for a while something will come to me...

    Man-made unable to contain the natural?

    People can never be fully confined/restrained?

    There's always a certain level of freedom?

    I don't know but I liked it nonetheless.
    | Posted on 2007-06-12 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]
      I know...
    | Posted on 2007-06-12 00:00:00 | by Harmageddon | [ Reply to This ]


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