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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: More complaints-ghetto versiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 826
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 655



    Description:
       Me and an ex just got back togetehr today. He's changed as did I..but at least I changed fore the better. :(..plz comment..i wanna add more to it..should I?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMore complaints-ghetto versiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hold up
    You want me to do what?
    Oh you mad now, huh?
    Boy, I ain't yo possesion!

    I dont wanna do it
    But you said it
    wasn't important to you!
    So why are you mad?

    Okay I'll do it, but Im not that good
    Oh okay you can do it then
    Ow! That hurts
    Ow! I said that hurts!
    God! Stop it! Stop!

    Why didnt you stop
    when I told you too?
    Why are you mad?
    I got a right to be mad!
    You love me, huh?
    Whatever

    We've been apart for so long
    you dont even know what love is anymore!




    Submitted on 2004-06-16 10:34:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the conversational tone to this piece - what you are saying to you ex who is now a part of your life.

    Now, why would you want him back if he's changed for the worse and doesn't know what love is? Just a thought, but yea.

    I don't think you should write more. I don't edit many of mine again, just because it destroys something and I've usually moved on with something else and cannot bring that particular feeling back anyway.

    But anyways,
    sionara for now
    *Jase*
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      This one is good, I've gotten a couple different ways of reading it in my head. But I'll ask for once, should I interpret it as:

    1 voice, other conversation unheard
    2 voices, both revealed (and of course obfuscated at the same time by their mixing)

    It might seem silly to think that I could write a perfectly good review from either perspective, and I'm half expecting the answer of "do both", but ask a courtesy for the sake of my time. While waiting for an answer I review yet another one!
    | Posted on 2004-06-16 00:00:00 | by DocJonathan | [ Reply to This ]
      I do not think you should add any more. But I'm talking about adding more history to your relationship. Let him go and keep the poem like it is. remember that you are still not happy in his company.
    | Posted on 2004-06-16 00:00:00 | by Saxit2me | [ Reply to This ]
      My only question here is "Why?" If the guy's such a Jack-ass, he should remain an "Ex"...

    Just My Own Humble Opinion...
    | Posted on 2004-06-16 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]


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