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    dots Submission Name: Dear Dad,dots

    Author: Shadia Dark
    ASL Info:    17/F/California dreamin..
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 186/177/98
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 783

       i wrote this for my dad for fathers day. i know it wont mean as much to you guys as it does to me, but here it is anyways...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDear Dad,dots

    So we haven't always been there,

    I've missed your races

    and you've missed my school plays,

    but what matters is

    we've always missed each other

    and you've always been there

    when I needed you most.

    Those times when life was just too much,

    And I hated mom, and she made me cuss,

    When I was down and out

    And ready to give in and quit,

    You reminded me that life

    Is sometimes full of… crap

    But you listened to me cry

    And you helped me make it through

    So all that I have left to say is,

    Dad, I really love you.

    Submitted on 2007-06-12 18:04:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a really beautiful write. I wish I was closer with my dad, but we just really don't get along. This was written perfectly, as always. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading

    Saint Raxor
    | Posted on 2007-06-13 00:00:00 | by brknprclndol | [ Reply to This ]
      I know you say a lot of this is particularly relevant to your own situation but I think it is more relevant to other people than you may realise.

    I once tried to write a fathers day poem and focussed on the way I couldn't remember the first moment we met, yet it would be one of his most vivid memories. I don't always get on with him. We're very different in our views and ideas. We argue. But, as you obviously know, you can't help but love your family. Even if you don't like them, you can't help but want them to be at those plays, wanting them to be proud of you.

    'You reminded me that life

    Is sometimes full of… crap'

    maybe not the most eloquent or poetic but it's honest. It doesn't need to be all flowery and exaggerated. The simplicity of it is enough.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2007-06-13 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]
      That is extremely sweet. I love my family more than anything in the world, so it really means a lot to me when I see other people appreciating their families. So many people (especially teenagers) disrespect or hate their parents. They don't realize that their parents are the best things that's happened to them.

    I see a lot of inside and personal references in this poem. While I can't completely understand them, these points make this poem even more sentimental.

    The only part I see that may need changing is the following:

    "Those times when life was just too much,

    And I hated mom, and she made me cuss"

    Were you trying to rhyme? Or was it accidental? Also, using the phrase "she made me cuss" in this type of poem kind of disrupts the flow.

    But other than that.. this poem is great.

    Keep writing!

    | Posted on 2007-06-13 00:00:00 | by sunsetserenity | [ Reply to This ]

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