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    dots Submission Name: a thread of humble fleshdots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 599
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 787


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    dotsa thread of humble fleshdots

    the ochre lobster of my left thigh
    is like an open fish in a neutral of air
    sucking on oxygen that doesn't belong there
    and waiting for the heavy rain to fall

    i stroke the sun
    with the sensual crest of my tongue
    & i can taste the orange
    in the palm of my eye
    & through my ears
    "the lemon of pink" adores
    everything that is

    with the aching pain
    of sleeping cedars
    in my body
    i dream through entire forests
    in the dark

    a sick love
    for things that jingle
    makes me ring the bell
    attached to a thread of humble flesh
    at the back of my sacred throat

    repeating your name
    sings me awake

    Submitted on 2007-06-12 20:33:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Cool poem...some of the images don't click with me as well as I would like but I guess thats just your style,

    But most were very impressive:

    "i dream through entire forests
    in the dark"

    I guess its not really an image,but a feeling (almost like a lucid dream,which sometimes I get),anyways that was cool.

    "i stroke the sun
    with the sensual crest of my tongue
    & i can taste the orange
    in the palm of my eye
    & through my ears
    "the lemon of pink" adores
    everything that is"

    It probably couldnt have been written any other way to the same effect and I guess when i look past the wording of it (which is just strange to me) theres an image there that is unique,someone eyeing up the sun,almost able to taste it,grab it or whatever,but its almost trippy (and no Im not a stoner),but what Im saying is,even though I wouldnt write it that way,it does seem to work for me and therefore is refreshing.

    anyways nice poem,seems very original in a good sense,

    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

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