Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Full Stomach of the Moondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 259
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1064
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1686



    Description:
       A werewolf poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Full Stomach of the Moondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Curse'd be the arduous change
    A life of blood, sweat, and mange
    He is the applique of man and beast
    Aperitif; blood 'fore the feast

    Of a wild and archaic kind
    Of a broken and tortured mind
    The rasp of the voice
    The lust of the choice
    Dancing to the feral tune,
    he runs with the full stomach of the moon

    Sanguinary dreams shadow his sleep,
    hiding the beast he is forced to keep
    Remorse trapped inside and iron shrine
    Revered nevermore from a violent mind
    Love a sidelight for which he has no time
    Thralldom of the reason, not the rhyme

    Eyes that loom through the night
    Lurking for a child's fright
    The creep of the paws
    The scrape of the claws
    Dancing to the feral tune,
    he runs with the full stomach of the moon

    A vulgarian of the sanguine,
    he prowls the night without being seen
    His horid death of his humanity,
    murder being his sole declivity
    He roams this life without a friend
    Running each swollen moon 'til its end
    The assonance of the haunting howl,
    assuaging all those who prowl
    Assiduous steps taken to stalk
    Hush just now, no need to talk
    No need to give yourself away,
    you'll live longer if you don't stray
    No need to feel the crack of skull,
    if only to him, it is his lull

    A pin-feathered soul
    A heart like a hole
    The red-blooded howl
    The arcane prowl
    Dancing to the feral tune,
    he will always run with each full moon




    Submitted on 2007-06-12 22:32:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Your rhymes are perfect, a little overpowering, but absolutely perfect. You have a way with tempo, and building suspense and energy while I'm reading the poem. Its almost hard to pull away, and the tempo builds up, and your heart starts beating faster. Thats why I think it would be useful for you to put a place in your poem, where you completely halt the rhyme and rythym. Just stop it, then start building it up again. So its like running a marathon into a brick wall, then standing up, and starting again. It reminds the reader your in control of every facet of the poem.

    You paint beautiful pictures with words, and your sense of diction is staggering, its not often I see people with a vocabulary of your caliber.
    | Posted on 2008-06-24 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      Firstly, I'm glad you killed the vampire that was sucking at your brain so that you could realise that without an education these days one is doomed to be a nothing as far as making a living goes.
    This poem is frightfully historic as to the mindset of merry Old England's uneducated
    peasants. Hm-m-m even the pilgrims brought that hog-wash to our shores. They even expanded upon it by creating their own witches and wizzards. I would like to read a future rendition of yours on witchcraft. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. I liked your choice of not everyday vocabulary. It shows your advanced bright mind.
    | Posted on 2007-11-30 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Absolutely fantastic.
    I don't mean to gush
    but
    the piece is beautiful.

    Imagery and rhythm= wow.


    I feel as if I could read it a hundred times
    and each time
    I would see a different, equally enthralling picture.

    It's darkly, deeply unsettling and pleasing
    all at once.

    Many kudos.
    | Posted on 2007-11-26 00:00:00 | by Puzzle_d_Box | [ Reply to This ]
      yo tox this write is mad chill. u have loads of talent. the second stanza is awesome.

    i love me some werewolf poetry. i dont have a long attention span but this legend u tell had me reading the whole way. its great.


    peace
    Grim
    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
      is it just me or are there a variety of words that begin with "A" in this poem? haha it has nothing to do with anything i'm just pointing out..
    methinks you like werewolves a bit xD
    it's okay i do tooo <3

    so anyway...the whole thing flows really well, like a song...or a story said to music at least...makes me imagine sitting around a fire, like in old times, listening to a legend, it all sounds carefully put together and as sue said, the 1st stanza is brilliant :]

    favorited <3

    ~chaos~
    | Posted on 2007-07-12 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      hello my dear friend sarah
    i liked this
    cool way to think of the moon, "full stomach",
    for some reason it reminds me of like ancient pagan harvest rituals or something lol
    u have a serious wolf problem
    but i liked it
    especially the first stanza
    :)
    sue
    | Posted on 2007-06-14 00:00:00 | by necromance | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    144713

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Live In Between written by teika5
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry