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    dots Submission Name: “The fallen tears of an angel”dots

    Author: Magger32
    ASL Info:    18-female-PA.
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 53/131/124
    Words: 255
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 1143
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1574

       Looking at a lake, just wanting to fall in, and be alble to live in dream.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots“The fallen tears of an angel”dots

    Colors turn,
    So does life,
    The feeling of sacrifice,
    Life moves forwards turning the sky blue,
    No one will be waiting to see you,
    You stand alone in the rain on your day of birth,
    You don’t know anything but what hurts,
    The truth sparkles and is as vivid as the cloudy skies,
    You don’t want to look to see the emotions in his eyes,
    You hide away afraid to feel a thing,
    You don’t know what to do,
    Or how to explain the feeling between the two,
    The two lines,
    One of hate,
    One of love,
    This is too confusing for you to even ask for help from up above,
    You look towards the trees in the distance as you silently send a prayer up to the skies,
    You walk to the edge and look below,
    You close your angle like eyes,
    Searching in your soul for compromise,
    Some way to escape all the pain,
    All this shame that comes along with the name,
    You jump,
    You’re so tired of the same old game,
    You’re souring in the skies like the rain,
    Each drop spreading more tears down your body,
    Your skin so soft,
    No longer bruised cracked and ready to peal,
    You can’t believe how much you are now able to feel,
    Tune out the world and focus on one thing,
    Your body,
    Feeling like the springs,
    So beautiful,
    So many different things,
    That makes you… you,
    Individualized unlike the tears that fall from your eyes,
    The tears, the water will hide,

    Submitted on 2007-06-14 16:34:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem. I thought it was very pretty! I love how descriptive it is! Beautiful piece!
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by EL | [ Reply to This ]
      It was okay. But for a suicide poem it was pretty good. The main issue was you were treading on very over-tread ground. Thos whole topic of love and pain and suicide has been writen about too much it just gets boring. Although, this was beautifully written with great description.
    "This is too confusing for you to even ask for help from up above" This line was a little too long to fit the rhymth properly. Try shortening it so that the flow is kept smooth through out.

    Also, 'You'/'You're' is used a lot to start lines, which begins to get a bit boring. Try new beggings.
    "You close your angle like eyes" I assume you mean ANGEL rather than 'angle'. Teehee.

    The use of 'you' instead of 'I' was quite cool. It was nice to see a new kind of narrative rather than the usual 'I's and 'me's.

    I can tell you're a good writer, but the them of this poem lacks creativity. That's your only down fall. Keep writing and keep experimenting!
    | Posted on 2007-06-15 00:00:00 | by AteMyBackpack | [ Reply to This ]

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