Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Inner sabateourdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/160
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 944
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1227



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInner sabateourdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lies, lies, all lies
    slithering into my consciousness
    with stealth and...
    oh so much cunning.

    Chameleon
    Shapeshifter
    Truth twister.

    Smooth tongued
    seducer.
    Raping me of my future
    in the name of safety.

    Oh so believable
    in a brainwashing kinda way.

    Procrastinator,
    Doubt creator,
    Aiming to convince
    that moving an inch
    will result in damnation.

    Foolish tongue.
    All that flapping
    has made me take note of you.
    Press play
    and its the same old tape,
    playing over and over and

    IT'S OVER!

    Choice is the flip of a coin.
    Will I choose to listen to your tales,
    or do I take charge of my head
    and lead from the heart?

    Even with evidence to the contrary
    I still ate of your lies!
    Well NO MORE!

    I put a spanner in your works,
    A spoke in your wheel.
    Unwatered plants wither and die.

    Time to DIE
    little sabateour.

    I bless you with love
    and let go.







    Submitted on 2007-06-16 17:54:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi kate,

    You have an eloquent way of describing how we get hooked.
    It's funny, these attributes are so common to any poet, though we use them in positive ways.

    I see the president of the US, and a love I've had, maybe a salesman or two in these lines. And like how you've advised
    us to listen to our own hearts and use our own minds.

    The rhyme is both internal and end line, and it's great.
    Beautiful work, very well crafted Kate.

    love,

    Nan

    | Posted on 2007-08-30 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, what a rollicking jolly good ol' piece this one is! to say that i didnt enjoy it would be a lie. seriously, i really did. the words just rolled off my tongue and the way things were delivered was very novel and had a great punchy theme to it with an up tempo beat that one might even dance to if one were so inclined.

    it has all the right ingredients in it, with enough wit, angst and much much more.

    our own personal battles with our respective egos might never end. and until we can find harmony within ourselves, we shall fail at kicking so much ass. sad but true.

    in the meantime, all we can do about it is to simply chronicle pieces and bits from the skirmish. so who's been winning lately? has your inner saboteur finally brought down your castles in the sky and personal empires with devices of self-doubt set to detonate? hmmm.. it seems you have let go, so how goes the cease-fire?

    or have you conceded? meh. who knows. not me. love the piece.

    just to pick it out so your own saboteur cant throw it at you...

    "Even with evidence to the contrary
    I still ate "all" of your lies!
    Well NO MORE!"

    peace.

    p.s.
    did you know that the word saboteur comes from wooden shoes?
    | Posted on 2007-07-12 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with that annmarie person...lol she basicaly said everything that i was thinking to say so all ill say is "agreed"

    great write
    God bless and good luck with ur future writeings
    EW
    | Posted on 2007-06-24 00:00:00 | by eagle wing | [ Reply to This ]
      wOW! VERY NICE! I really liked this poem! What was it based on to me it seem's almost part adam and eve and then part your story. THe poem was very clear and the feelings were eminating off the page,
    great work
    -aNNmARIE
    | Posted on 2007-06-16 00:00:00 | by aNNmARIE | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    144946

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Instances written by hyproglo
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    ... written by Daniel Barlow
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    an explanation of how i was not good written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    Stretto written by saartha
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry