About a year ago my photography teacher got so fed up of me moaning about never having had a girlfriend, she and her daughter decided to set me up with someone. They chose this particular girl because apparentely she used to fancy someone who I looked like.
So, one morning I went to college and sat in the cafe waiting to be introduced to her. I don't know what I expected, but it probably wasn't the girl who appeared. She was beautiful and seemed, ironically, to be as shy as me. She was whisked away before either of us could say more than "Hello" and I thought I'd blown it. That evening, teacher phones me and says this girl, Alex, really fancies me and wants my number. Unsurprisingly I agree, and when she texts we get talking. For about a month we just meet up now and again, trying to get to know each other better....then came the day everything changed.
My results day, the night of the party, I get a text from her saying she fancies someone else more and she's letting me down gently. The old me would have given up then, but for some reason I decide I'm going to fight for a chance. I convince her, but less than 24 hours later she is having doubts again. With her umming and ahing, I said something which I meant every word of, but wouldn't have said then if I'd been thinking straight:
"I love you and I want to be with you, but its up to you what you do."
Despite thinking she would run away from that....she did the exact opposite. She told me she felt the same way, and within a week we had kissed for the first time. It all went perfectly, we sat watching the Cowes Week fireworks cuddled up together. Even her parents had taken an instant shine to me, and all my friends who met her agreed she was gorgeous. She was also nice, smart, kind....everything you could ask for....and then I screwed everything up.
For reasons I'd rather not go into, I thought she was going to dump me, so I did the classic bloke thing: "jump before you get pushed".....unfortunately for me, I discovered AFTER dumping her that she had never intended to break up with me. And to make matters worse, I regretted it instantly. Unfortunately she wouldn't listen to my apology and I haven't seen her since.
So now I'm left with still having feelings for her, and unsure what to do. I know I'll regret it if I don't tell her, but I'm scared I'll regret it if I do.