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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Daddydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Druecilla
    ASL Info:    20/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.44 - 24/32/30
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1050
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1200



    Description:
       About my dad....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDaddydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Daddy why did you quit believing in me?

    Why was what she thought more important than the truth before your very own eyes?

    Daddy tell me why you don't love me anymore?

    Why weren't you there to wipe away my tears?

    Do you ever think of me?

    Would you even recognize the young woman I've grown up to be?

    Daddy what did I do to make you hate me so much?

    Do you even miss me?

    It wasn't always like this you used to be there for me!

    Holding my hand along the path of my childhood...

    Daddy why is it any different now?

    I thought you loved me,

    I thought you cared,

    Am I wrong?

    Can it be that you don't and never did?

    I've heard so many stories about after I was born you called me your angel, your little princess what has changed?

    What ever happened to the good ol' days?

    Daddy I still love you even if you don't love me...

    Daddy why don't you understand it?

    Daddy Why?




    Submitted on 2007-06-17 21:00:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i know how you feel. my dad got remarried and i feel that way sometimes like i don't matter and he's not there. you go girl keep it up
    | Posted on 2009-03-01 00:00:00 | by blackdemigod13 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good. Sad, but good. You described the pain and hurt well and the confussion ad love u still feel. good job of showing ur emotions. hope things go ok
    | Posted on 2008-04-28 00:00:00 | by Aangskate | [ Reply to This ]
      My first thoughts of this poem before I clicked on the page: I thought you were going to talking about a loving father. Now, what I see here ruins the dream that I had once hoped for and brings up a new dream that went wrong somewhere. I can somewhat relate to you in some ways, I have a father that I believe that I don't feel close to.

    "Daddy why did you quit believing in me?"

    Already, you shoot the hard to swallow question out there and try to choke our emotions. This kinda tells us what we're in for when we're reading this serious piece of poetry. Never let anyone bring you down, not even those who made you. You are one independent being that should try her best in ignoring those who try to hurt. Be proud of who you are.

    "Why was what she thought more important than the truth before your very own eyes?"

    I don't know who this other female identity is, but I don't want to know who it is. Keeping information from the reader brings the ideas and you want to keep your readers alive. I suspect that you no longer live with your mom and this is a stepmom who doesn't see you fitting into the idea of a perfect family. Flaunt who you are to others and make the impression that will last.

    I have a stepmom and I love as a friend. I don't care that she married my father and I respect her views on things. Maybe I could advise you to sit and talk with the person. Don't try being rebellious. Be calm, not stoic.

    "Daddy tell me why you don't love me anymore?"

    Here, we are building up so much frustration. I know poetry is a way to release it. You should be proud that you tell others of your tragic story. I don't believe that a person has it deep in their heart to love someone, I believe that they have to find the passion to love. I could also relate this to other situations, maybe between Britain and the U.S. during the Revolution. They just don't understand what the U.S. wants.

    "Why weren't you there to wipe away my tears?"

    It's hard to be strong by yourself, I think we can all agree with that being in human nature. I don't think there was a time when I was little when my mother was there to comfort me. Even teachers and friends can help you. Look for the safest outcome. As I read on through the poem, I say to myself, "Why aren't people reading this? This is pretty darn good!"

    "Do you ever think of me?"

    This is a really painful moment for me to think of. Sometimes I think of my father the wrong way and I just want to ask him this question several times. All of my fifteen years, I haven't asked him. I would probably go into shock if I heard him answer it. A person can hope that their father loves them, but a person should never lie to themselves.

    "Would you even recognize the young woman I've grown up to be?"

    We all have some growing up to do, even parents. My father was pretty young when I was around and I came to the idea that he has matured over the years with another child in his hands. If the man doesn't value you, you should continue to love him in a different way. Maybe consider dropping him. Nothing too dramatic though, I don't know much about your father and what he can do.

    "Daddy what did I do to make you hate me so much?"

    You should never say that! It's not your fault that he doesn't like/love you. As for poemwise, this is a really, really heartbreaking moment. It just twists the heart and tries to kill it with tears of sadness. You can't help it if you are living on this world and you are you. A father should be happy about his daughter growing up to be a writer skilled like you.

    "Do you even miss me?"

    By the time I get to this, I look at how old you are. Wow. Seventeen? By this time you're already out of the house or living with your mother. I can see in the future that you will one day have things patched up with your father. It might be three years later or when he's on his death bed. The better question is, "will he ever love you before you start to miss him for good?"

    "It wasn't always like this you used to be there for me!"

    I think you should be using a comma between "this" and "you". It builds up more nostalgia for the reader. Most children who are separated from their parents know that they can't be there everytime. In life and when you go through it as an adult, you're going to have to head things on by yourself. I can see from this line that your father wasn't so cold. There is light shining upon everyone; if there's hope for you, then our problems are nothing compared.

    "Holding my hand along the path of my childhood...

    Daddy why is it any different now?

    I thought you loved me,

    I thought you cared,

    Am I wrong?"

    Yes, this feels a bit more like a moving and the child separates from the parents. It's tear-jerking. As we grow older, we must understand we need to branch off from some past memories and grow into our own being. We eventually have to lose something to be accepted into this cruel world. What we lose is our innocence. The Earth loves to tell stories of coming to age and it's quite strict on what goes on. No one is ever wrong, life is just like 2 + 2. It can equal 4, but at other times, 5.

    "Can it be that you don't and never did?"

    This kinda bunches up with the "hope" idea but instead, you're hoping for the wrong thing. Poemwise, you are a young child crying for the father you once knew in a former life. You said yourself that your father did love you in childhood, never look the other route and stray upon it.

    "I've heard so many stories about after I was born you called me your angel, your little princess what has changed?"

    This ruins the poem a little. It's so big, clunky, and it's disrupting the flow of the poem. I'd either fix the spacing around it and put quotation marks around it or chop it up into more smaller pieces. I prefer the first option but you can go with either one since it's your poem.

    It could be something like this:

    "I've heard so many stories about you after I was born,

    You called me your angel, your little princess,

    What has changed?"

    You could also enter a line down after "angel," but I don't know how you would like it to feel like.

    I've never had a cute nickname when I was growing up, I envy you about that. Hype can lead to disasters; best if you try not getting excited.

    "What ever happened to the good ol' days?

    Daddy I still love you even if you don't love me...

    Daddy why don't you understand it?

    Daddy Why?"

    That's good that you still love your father even after the neglecting. We must love (or at least like) all people for who they are and what they turn out to be. Don't blame either of yourself or him for his actions. Be understanding about what he feels and ignore all hurtful comments. Your last line should be:

    "Daddy, why?"

    The comma should be used in that case. The pause makes it feel smooth and gives time for stress to be put on "why".

    As for the poem, I loved it. You are possibly a hidden poet that hasn't be really discovered yet, and you need to mingle around so people can comment your stuff. Don't be shy, get around ES. The structure of the poem needs to be fixed in some areas and commas help you breathe. Pausing after one word also means a big difference in reading and reciting. I might check more of your stuff later on.
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by Finnigan | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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