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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Examination Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 606
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 742
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3876



    Description:
       ~if 'ER' spawned a spin-off on Gitmo~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExamination Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Examination Day

    I’ve never felt this helpless before. I can’t visit my wife or my children or my friends. My diet is regulated, the room is empty, but…I’m monitored through small cameras, fiber optics-and endless medical exams.

    I’d be frightened if I weren’t so exhausted.

    …I didn’t realize prisons could be so antiseptic…


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Eh, excuse me, sir? Mr. Praxitales?

    Yes?

    We’ve done a complete diagnostic of the system and there doesn’t seem to be a problem.

    You mean the information and the conclusion are correct?

    Yes, sir. Retinal scan, blood pressure parameters, recent medical history, family history. Mr. Jordan is uninsurable.

    Hmmm…

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I need to make sense of what I’ve just written while it’s fresh in my head. I’m not certain anyone will see this journal…or will believe what I’ve said. Sometimes I feel very distant from what I’ve experienced…it feels like home movies from hell. When I cough, thunders roar; when I sneeze, storms rise into…violence, when my heart blasts blood through my veins like a solid shaft; rivers wash away whole towns…so they tell me.

    The light in here is very fibrous, like the membrane of dreams or…the web of unreason that draws me back to how and where-hell-why it began…

    They want me to write, but I think I’d rather feel. If you lie very still, you can feel yourself exist…


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    What would you suggest? We can’t imprison the man for his…condition.

    Well, no, perhaps not. But we should convince him to stay here for further observation.

    And if he declines?

    Then it may be necessary to restrain him for medical reasons.

    Reasons that we refuse to elaborate on? I don’t know…

    Ok, although, it may seem a bit unethical…

    A bit unethical?

    Alright, very unethical, but do we have a choice? If you had one…clear path to avoid worldwide chaos, and it all hung on a slender thread of secrecy, what would you do?

    I…

    He came to us.

    He came to us for help, not this.

    He came to us and there’s no turning back. You’ve seen the link between his current condition and world events. What would happen to us- all of us-if a man whose physical condition is linked so closely to the world’s climate ever became seriously ill? Especially if his health determines our existence?

    You can’t sedate him forever, and isolation will slowly destroy his mind. What happens if he goes mad?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I think… this all began- what, eight days ago? My mind is a little thick right now, the world is very fast or I’m very slow…I feel like I’m taking dictation for the voices in my head. The doctors, nurses, staff, keepers of the keys, haven’t told me anything, really. But I can guess a little from their conversation that this has something to do with an automated medical exam I took at a kiosk near my bank. My…circadian rhythm…red flagged me for a new insurance policy. I should have kept that a secret, honestly. Because it always seemed strange that I became sick about the time some storm or hurricane or earthquake, whatever, flattened some part of the world. I always thought the planet would kill me because I was so attached to its moodiness. Who would have thought it was the other way around? No wonder everyone is frightened of me.

    When I die, the world ends.





    Submitted on 2007-06-18 15:59:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Okay, I'll probably come back with something more formed, but I wanted to try to throw my comment up here now.

    I think I read this less as science fiction, and more as a literary/academic short story, speaking with a great metaphorical voice. The last sentence really incorporates it for me. How when we die, our worlds die. The universe, according to that person, and therefore the only universe they've ever lived in, passes with them. They both die forever, along with all the dreams and ideas that filled their world. When we have a bad day, the world is falling apart. When we smile, something-cheesy-about-the-sun. And so on.

    Many people have died. Many worlds have ended.
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by wool raincoat | [ Reply to This ]
      funny, i NEVER (ever) stay and read the whole piece when i realize it's a longer commitment than a few lines of obscurity.

    brilliant idea, i'm very jealous that i didn't snatch it out of the idea cyclone before you. so i stayed, and read the whole thing.

    and wanted more.

    more, i say. MORE.
    | Posted on 2007-06-23 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Bill,

    It's been a while. I missed your writing and after reading this i know why i have missed it.
    It made me smile and it made me wonder if i'll ever be able to catch and release such feelings so easily like you have done so.
    You remind me of a book i read by Stephen King. I love his work and your work reminded me a little bit of his.
    I don't know if you know the story but it's about a man who's been bitten by a snake which causes people to think that he died from a heartattack when in truth he wasn't dead. He was talking the same way you did and that was amazingly exciting.

    Nice to read from you again.
    Hope you're doing fine.
    Cheers,

    Irina
    | Posted on 2007-06-22 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      "If you lie very still, you can feel yourself exist…" It's been awhile since decent writing has combined with decent science fiction. If this was a full length book I'd tack it's cover up on my wall along with the covers of Orwell's 1984 and Burgess's A Clockwork Orange. Something about the hospitalization in this write reminds me of the Ludovico Technique in the latter.
    | Posted on 2007-06-21 00:00:00 | by Waywarddaughter | [ Reply to This ]
      It has ben awhile since I commented on a write here but I have to say that this write is exceptional.

    At first I thought of a home for the elderly but as I read I realized that the world was alive through the character here.

    Kind of reminds me of the Stand to a point, but in this case one person holds the fate of the world.

    I have read many of your poems and as always you have left me somewhat awed in your ability to catch the readers attention from the get go.

    To me it is the way this is laid out and how is goes back and forth and then in the end the final realization that this person is the key to the worlds survival.
    In a way you let us see the mind set of Big Brother and their rationalization in determining the fate of the human race.

    Then again this is a sci-fi and we can find that the mind of some do think and rationalize life in this way. Each and everyone of us are a part of the world and when one dies a piece of the world dies too.

    Sorry to ramble but it has been awhile since I commented and I got excited.

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2007-06-20 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      who would have thought it the other way round...?


    i saw on sir wooly's page that you are over poetry. i think that is a good thing since you write prose so amazingly well. i only write poetry coz its the only thing that works though i hope i am a little better than angsty nonsense haha. but yes... i think prose is a comfortable coat for you to wear... if you havent noticed i cannot get enough of your ability to weave characters and get into my head...

    this piece is no exception.
    i have no idea what you mean in your description. must be some kinda american something that goes woosh~ right over my head but thats okay.

    you know what... i am not a fan of sci fi and stuff that cannot plausibly be real [even though i believe in god and miracles... hmmm...] and so usually when i read pieces like this i think "pfft! whatever" and dismiss them completely because they do not reach anything accepting in my being. this piece however and the way you have created it makes me stop and read it and even though the twist at the end should turn me off completely and make me think "yeah whatever bill" i think... ooooo...

    who would have thought.


    everyone wants to be the centre of the world. they all want to be the driving force that makes everything work or cease to be. but imagine if you really were... ye gods... how badly youd want to disolve into nothing...

    yes.
    wow.
    bravo.
    | Posted on 2007-06-19 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Once I get over the awe this piece has afflicted me with, I'll hate you.

    And maybe I'll comment on it too.
    | Posted on 2007-06-18 00:00:00 | by wool raincoat | [ Reply to This ]


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