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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: islands of placid skindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 503
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 944



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsislands of placid skindots
    -------------------------------------------


    in small spoken truths
    where the love is written
    & the prayers splash around
    like masted ships
    in the hurricane of the heart
    i confuse myself
    with the words in my meaning
    & all these one dimensional
    lines of broken poetry
    i keep discovering
    like my own face
    in the mirror each morning

    with the growing sense,
    that in some antique mouthing of wisdom,
    i will release
    the underlying potential to bleed
    my own blood
    with a harmony
    that only the throbbing, fuchsia of nature
    can understand

    i wish the sky to open up
    inside me
    so that i might breathe
    a sigh of belief

    & i find it difficult
    to see anyone
    when the spirit of my fingers
    is always attached
    to the islands of placid skin
    around my broken, tired eyes




    Submitted on 2007-06-18 21:45:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i must admit i am struggling to find meaning in this piece.
    you have some wonderful images but the lack of punctuation kinda means they bleed into each other and therefore dont stand out or have the effect that i think they could.

    and yet... when i read the end with the islands of placid skin being around your eyes? i think perhaps the bleeding together of images works the way tears are absorbed by skin and tiredness is absorbed by eye lids...

    but i do think you could be more... specific.
    just by adding a little more punctuation i think you would give the reader more of a sense of what you are saying and by strengthening your images [applying mascara to eye lashes] it would make them more beautiful and attractive too...



    i confuse myself
    with the words in my meaning
    & all these one dimensional
    lines of broken poetry
    i keep discovering
    like my own face
    in the mirror each morning

    i really appreciate this section here a whole lot.
    i do most of my writing at 3am.
    these days i collect lines for a few weeks and then one day i end up writing something and when i wake the next morning and look at it i see the way these broken lines that mean nothing cleave together to become a mirror revealing something of myself...

    good work... just think about punctuation a little more...
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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