Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: islands of placid skindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 487
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 944



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsislands of placid skindots
    -------------------------------------------


    in small spoken truths
    where the love is written
    & the prayers splash around
    like masted ships
    in the hurricane of the heart
    i confuse myself
    with the words in my meaning
    & all these one dimensional
    lines of broken poetry
    i keep discovering
    like my own face
    in the mirror each morning

    with the growing sense,
    that in some antique mouthing of wisdom,
    i will release
    the underlying potential to bleed
    my own blood
    with a harmony
    that only the throbbing, fuchsia of nature
    can understand

    i wish the sky to open up
    inside me
    so that i might breathe
    a sigh of belief

    & i find it difficult
    to see anyone
    when the spirit of my fingers
    is always attached
    to the islands of placid skin
    around my broken, tired eyes




    Submitted on 2007-06-18 21:45:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i must admit i am struggling to find meaning in this piece.
    you have some wonderful images but the lack of punctuation kinda means they bleed into each other and therefore dont stand out or have the effect that i think they could.

    and yet... when i read the end with the islands of placid skin being around your eyes? i think perhaps the bleeding together of images works the way tears are absorbed by skin and tiredness is absorbed by eye lids...

    but i do think you could be more... specific.
    just by adding a little more punctuation i think you would give the reader more of a sense of what you are saying and by strengthening your images [applying mascara to eye lashes] it would make them more beautiful and attractive too...



    i confuse myself
    with the words in my meaning
    & all these one dimensional
    lines of broken poetry
    i keep discovering
    like my own face
    in the mirror each morning

    i really appreciate this section here a whole lot.
    i do most of my writing at 3am.
    these days i collect lines for a few weeks and then one day i end up writing something and when i wake the next morning and look at it i see the way these broken lines that mean nothing cleave together to become a mirror revealing something of myself...

    good work... just think about punctuation a little more...
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    145113

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    the living moment written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Every..... written by jackz
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Etiquette written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Shi written by ShyOne
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry