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    dots Submission Name: Oblivious Petalsdots

    Author: xXCptn_SephyXx
    ASL Info:    22/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 46/119/104
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1186
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1355


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOblivious Petalsdots

    Poor little girl,
    She can not read.
    The bottle said:
    Only take two,
    But she took ten instead.

    Where are your parents, little girl?
    They taught you how to read,
    Through their bed time stories
    And frivolous words and phrases.
    So, then,
    How could you forget,
    When instead of taking two,
    You took ten instead?

    And what of your beloved,
    The one you spoke many times of,
    Watched from afar,
    And melted when he touched or spoke to you?
    He gave you instructions on how to mend a heart.
    Your heart.
    So, then.
    How could you forget,
    When instead of taking two,
    You took ten instead?

    My my, little girl.
    And what of your faith?
    You still believe in a higher power,
    But question his existence.
    He taught you how to live your life,
    Through passages and people.
    So, then.
    How could you forget,
    When instead of taking two,
    You took ten instead?

    I can feel your pain, little girl.
    I am your mind,
    I was the one.
    How could you forget?
    I told you.
    When instead of taking two,
    Take ten instead.

    Submitted on 2007-06-19 20:38:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ooo I love that. Especially the last few lines. They brought it all together so perfectly. I think that the repetition of "When instead of taking two, You took ten instead" is fantastic. It's sad, but I kind of understand... except, instead of taking one, I took ten instead. Yeah, those were the days.
    I like how you put so much emotion into everything you write. No matter how good the wording is, it has nothing if you can't feel it, you know? But as usual, yours has both.

    Good stuff

    | Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]

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