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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Dream Girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mudge
    Elite Ratio:    5.02 - 8/9/4
    Words: 304
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 918
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1790



    Description:
       A metaphoric thought on impossible love


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Dream Girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    On the desk of my room in the tower of my castle stands a picture of my princess.
    On the birdbath amongst thy flowers of our courtyard stands the dove that holds her rose.
    In the dungeon-me sword to slay the dragons of the nightmares in her darkness.
    In my thrown room-the wishing well of which my heart pumps and
    Our love flows.

    Could I find lady love in a maze of masks and parties?
    Or is lady luck hidden in rags, peasants and foes?
    Is she a Unicorn roaming Mushroom Forrest?,
    a fairy in a marshland only the wizard knows?
    Could she be the knight holding every monsters weakness,?
    the mystical Mermaid that brightens the moat about my land?
    Will this princess guard my treasure of a sunken ship?-
    Atlantis my kingdom; she built it as a pirate, my castle made of sand.

    I went to Merlin to find answers to these questions
    I could never understand.
    He foresaw you in his crystal ball-
    “The light that broke my clouds and set on the sword in my heart of stone!”
    You emerged nocturnally as Luna pulls with the power
    to relieve the tides of the sea.
    With the wind of your cloak you disappear into the void of my soul,
    we sink together in a lagoon unknown to the bottom
    as our bubbles rise-you heal my heart-our love intensifies.
    Heat of our moment evaporates the seas-
    with the power of our love we take flight instantly.
    As we pass mountain tops I whisper softly:
    “I love you to the moon and the stars,
    to infinity and beyond! Though our journeys been short
    I hope were hand and hand forever on the quest to never never land.

    Michael Matthew Mudge





    Submitted on 2007-06-20 04:26:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      On the birdbath amongst thy flowers of our courtyard stands the

    i would think about changing 'thy' to the because thy is old school for 'your' is it not? and your flowers of our courtyard doesnt really seem to work...


    i like this for the most part.
    i like how the middle section is all questions...
    usually im not into so many questions in a piece but it kinda works. my only thing is... you never actually seem to answer the question or even vaguley hint at what the possibility could be...
    maybe she is a little bit of all...
    im assuming its the questions that bring in the impossibility...


    im with tj on the love you to the moon and the stars and infinity and beyond... you need to find a completely new way of saying that... i dunno... clichés make me switch off and thats getting pretty close...
    so many blues songs are written about love to the moon and the stars... even savage garden have a song close to it...
    yeah... write your own way of saying it... who knows... in 100 years it may even be a cliché... clichés are only that because theyre the best way we've found of saying something...


    my only other thing is

    “The light that broke my clouds and set on the sword in my heart of stone!”

    this line feels a little awkward to me... im not sure it reads the way it should... perhaps ditch 'on'?
    i dunno.


    but yes... welcome to the site
    ill be back past sometime soon for sure
    | Posted on 2007-06-21 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Good [censored] homie, for real. I love "my castle made of sand" for sure. The only line I was like, hUh? was the infinity and beyond, but we already talked about that. but I loved it. i will tell you more later. Peace and love TJ
    | Posted on 2007-06-20 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]
      Good [censored] homie, for real. I love "my castle made of sand" for sure. The only line I was like, hUh? was the infinity and beyond, but we already talked about that. but I loved it. i will tell you more later. Peace and love TJ
    | Posted on 2007-06-20 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]


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