[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Your Waysdots

    Author: HeavyMetalHero
    ASL Info:    20/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    2.44 - 7/9/4
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 839
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 469


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Waysdots

    Cut-ting my life
    from un-der me,
    you spill my blood
    in-to the sea.

    Des-troy the things
    that I once knew,
    I'll close my eyes
    and think of you.

    I'm run-ning down
    an end-less path,
    but if I stop
    I'll feel your wrath.

    Tight-er you grab,
    but still I stall.
    I've seen your ways,
    I want it all.

    Submitted on 2007-06-21 21:45:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The dashes inbetween the words are supposed to relate to the speaker's struggle with thought and words. Take it as you may.
    | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by HeavyMetalHero | [ Reply to This ]
      Amazing poem! I like the ryhme in this piece and the flow. Not sure what you're getting at with all the slahes though. For example: "Cut-ting" Is this s'pose to read with a pause between the these words? Although it is a deep write, I like the camlness of this. You're not all over the place with it. It gets to the point. I'm not sure what my favorite part is because it is all good. Your use of imagery is outstanding here. Thanks for the share and good luck with all your writing!
    | Posted on 2007-06-27 00:00:00 | by gigglebox | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one, i think the rhythms that you create by separating certain words is unnecessary if you read it the right way, but I see what you are going for. One thing...a wraith is a ghost or spirit you see before or after their death...i think you mean wrath. typo. oops.

    It feels like in this poem you are both loving and hating the person who is doing this to you, you have no control over what (s)he/it does, but I don't know. Is this what you intended? If not, you may want to make the overall message more clear.
    | Posted on 2007-06-22 00:00:00 | by illuminate11 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]