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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Self Portrait, Exlover Style.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: freeradical
    ASL Info:    22/feline/london
    Elite Ratio:    5.26 - 311/405/63
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1338
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1119



    Description:
       poor fool, he didn't have a chance.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Self Portrait, Exlover Style.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    There is a straightforwardness
    in her words
    that belie
    the curving symphony
    of her body.

    Her touch is gentle
    save for when
    her pretty little fingers
    find their way
    about your neck.

    She will glance over her shoulder
    as all sirens are wont to do
    but it is a blatant lie
    (for the bitch has eyes
    everywhere-
    there is no need to turn around).

    Mercenary red lips
    will pout convincingly
    and you,
    Fool Man,
    will believe them.

    Her skin gleams as freshwater pearls
    would,
    but each pore excretes a
    perfect sexual poison to your
    better judgment.

    Who exactly decided
    to garb such treachery,
    such manipulation
    with blue eyes and dimples
    and a smattering of freckles?

    Surely there is a place in hell
    reserved solely for such a one
    (probably between her
    thighs).

    And yet,
    there is a straightforwardness
    in her words.




    Submitted on 2007-06-22 06:38:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh true... some people really are too big for their own words.

    I've always admired the bluntness of your poetic voice. And now I think I know why. Some people try to be frank by sprinkling their sentences with a lot of "[censored]'s" here, a lot of "[censored]'s" there and countless "[censored] you's" from every goddamn angle that it justs seems all too... uhm... pornstar-ish. But with you, it always feels like the [censored]es and the [censored]s and the [censored] yous fit naturally. It really does feel like you are talking to me.

    And for this piece, I also like the added touch of sensuality. It positions the readers face so that you wouldn't miss the big slap.
    | Posted on 2008-03-24 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I might be that friend...lol!

    Who exactly decided
    to garb such treachery,
    such manipulation
    with blue eyes and dimples
    and a smattering of freckles?

    This is marvelous, and it reminded me of myself somehow...especially this part.

    I think you did a magnificent job....
    | Posted on 2007-09-27 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      this reminds me of a friend of mine
    quite nice
    | Posted on 2007-09-26 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, you hussy. Oh, us hussies: a voyeuristic take on those ladies who have the power of pout and aren't afraid to use it. Fair dos!

    I think you have buffered this, have held back. I think there is capacity to entice, tease, titillate a little more. That is where ego comes into play, holding you back from the full extent of sexuality you could have streamed into these words.
    Because a woman who recognises the lure of lash-batting upon the less-fair sex, recognises deeper currents of phero-electricity which stunastoundshock them into willing slavery.

    Poor men. Don't stand a chance.

    I think in your instance (and mine, I try very hard not to use my feminine wiles for selfish means) the difference between being seductive and slutty is the fact that you knew where to stop. Like I said, you held back. I'm sure this poem could have been filled with the force of a succubus, if you wanted it to.
    Those girls, you'll know the ones I mean...those girls who use their lashes for new dresses or drinks from strangers, who fuck old men for another line of coke and get up an hour earlier to rearrange their made-up mask before their ugly selves are revealed, they could never write a piece like this.
    Because to them, their allure is a tool.
    To you (I'll rebuff my ego, am fed up of its thought-limitations!) and me, our allure is a gift.
    Oh, lucky men....


    XX
    | Posted on 2007-08-24 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      Self-portraits usually make me think of pompous sketches over-elaborately painted with sickening pride or messy gothic self-indulgences of a tortured artist with posed frown. And always the self-portrait of the dead, something historic and distant, and certainly never sexy.

    This poem snarls, with a mix of lust and loathing. A kind of helplessness that needs and can't help but bite. A venus flytrap he can't help but find himself caught in.
    | Posted on 2007-06-29 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      I definately love your style, your sense of humor, how your personality comes through.
    I definately will have to come back for this one.
    Very Nice,

    Nicely.
    | Posted on 2007-06-26 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      ...well isn't this to serve as a warning to others?

    your reportage style is incongruous with the choice of line break yet as ever it seams, the judder serves to better inform the reader of how it is to be viewing matters from your standpoint.

    to that end this works doesn't it? you get to say what you need to say and we understand implicitly what it is you have said.

    i am also mindful though of the carefully controlled salaciousness of the piece - it's as if you would quite happily have us all sweating like foundrymen yet you balance your need to do this to us with a degree of integrity that just about saves us...

    ...saves us for what i'm not too sure but that, i daresay, will be for another day.

    as always; provocative and to the point. good.

    later,

    k
    | Posted on 2007-06-25 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      gah!

    and if this isnt the start of the itch i dont know what is... i mean seriously...

    i cant say i have ever read anything from the jilted ex lovers perspective... this is a completely new light on a very well known topic... i guess its all about stage ques and asides...


    i love the way her words and her actions say completely different things... the way he is so confused because he knows how it should be but his body wants something completely else and well... hes a guy so the body usually wins out... something about god gave me a head and penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time or something to that extent...

    and youre right... he didnt stand a chance. its like the way a girl i used to know would insist on going over to some guys house and kissing him, just to get him going as far as i could ascertain, just to tell him he was rolled and it was over... he didnt stand a chance...


    i dunno.
    you almost paint girls out to be mean in this piece... as if it aint just guys who are the heart breakers

    but this is good. very calculated and very smooth
    | Posted on 2007-06-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      there is a straightforwardness
    in her words.

    I think this is the highlight in your piece. I've had plenty ex boyfriend but i never really payed attention to any of it because none of them didn't matter. They weren't serious any way so who cared. But this has to deal with "Yea man, i cared and looks what you made me do because of it".

    It was interesting to read. I don't get to see much pieces like these. Your passion was there when you wrote it. It's totally there.

    One suggestion, instead of: and you,
    Fool Man,
    will believe them.

    try: And you,
    Fooled man
    will believe it.

    Cheers,

    Irina
    | Posted on 2007-06-22 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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