[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Ink on......dots

    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 919
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 975

       This is dedicated to our own inkonspikuous.
    This was her idea for my swan song, maybe it will be, maybe not.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInk on......dots

    I used to write,
    I saw my mind upon a sheet as blank as morning starlight
    I used to talk
    To tell the story of a life to those whom read the words.

    Yet times are slow and long is gone
    The confidence in me.
    What little I had here inside
    Of mirrored self esteem.

    I used to write,
    A million lines ran behind these eyes.
    I thought.. once.
    Unknown amounts, I never learned.

    The well has dried, to quote cliché
    The depth inside, has gone away
    The words stare back, with naught to say

    Whatever ideas or talents were there,
    Grew up and blew off,
    In a wisp of stale cardboard air.
    The page stares back as if to say
    "I don't know you, leave me be"

    I used to write
    I saw my mind upon a sheet as blank as morning starlight
    Those words could talk

    They speak no more

    Submitted on 2007-06-22 18:25:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Nah, you ain't going anywhere. You may have hit a flat spot but something that means as much to you as your writing doesn't just dry up and blow away. You still have much to say and we will all be here to share in your reverie.

    Take a long slow walk in comfortable surroundings and you will see that I am right. Write on brother, write on.
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      they speak no more

    i feel these last lines speak volumes for this piece but i dont think this is the last hurrah...

    i do think you need to connect more with the reader when you write.
    find images that say what you want to say and make them sharp so that the reader can understand what it is and what perspective you write from.

    right now this piece isnt really saying anything.

    what was different back when you used to write? were you in love? what was your inspiration?

    and what happened to make writing seems so arduous? where did the words go? do you want them to come back?

    i think, if spikuous was a real word, the title is a good idea... a play on words which has the potential to be quite witty but i think you need to bring it into the piece more... at the moment it seems quite unrelated to the content.

    i think you could do more with this piece.
    | Posted on 2007-07-03 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]