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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dont Hide / Hidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jimi James
    ASL Info:    24/m/somehwere
    Elite Ratio:    6.16 - 90/78/41
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 860
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 621



    Description:
       a schizophrenia being ill
    couldnt stop her own will
    but a schism will



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    dotsDont Hide / Hidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wake from your sleep
    so we can walk together
    walk in the wrong lane
    to see bad before it happens

    walk in the wrong lane
    so we can wash hands
    and freeze somewhere else
    and cough somewhere warm

    In summer you wont be so nice
    you wont last in peace
    in everlasting peace
    changing roads non-glare

    people now look at me
    though im not here
    dying by accidents
    and by alien hands
    you know where you are
    you know where you are

    Youre away much too far






    Submitted on 2007-06-23 11:03:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not really sure of what you were getting at here, at first it seems like you're trying to protrey a savior or something. Leading the subject of the poem into other lands of opportunity and excitement. Though later it looks as if you're a martyr, asking your subject to observe your accidental death as though it had meaning. Please tone down the ambiguity, it makes it far easier for the reader to comprehend. However, I would like to praise you on your word choice, you've got a real knack for picking the right words for the right lines.

    -Christopher
    | Posted on 2007-06-26 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]


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