Dont Hide / Hide

Author: Jimi James ASL Info:    24/m/somehwere Elite Ratio:    6.16 - 90 /78 /41 Words: 94

Class/Type: Misc /Misc Total Views: 1418 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 621

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Dont Hide / Hide

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Wake from your sleep so we can walk together walk in the wrong lane to see bad before it happens walk in the wrong lane so we can wash hands and freeze somewhere else and cough somewhere warm In summer you wont be so nice you wont last in peace in everlasting peace changing roads non-glare people now look at me though im not here dying by accidents and by alien hands you know where you are you know where you are Youre away much too far

Submitted on 2007-06-23 11:03:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

I'm not really sure of what you were getting at here, at first it seems like you're trying to protrey a savior or something. Leading the subject of the poem into other lands of opportunity and excitement. Though later it looks as if you're a martyr, asking your subject to observe your accidental death as though it had meaning. Please tone down the ambiguity, it makes it far easier for the reader to comprehend. However, I would like to praise you on your word choice, you've got a real knack for picking the right words for the right lines. -Christopher

| Posted on 2007-06-26 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]

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