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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Phoenixdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Linzi
    ASL Info:    24.f.wales
    Elite Ratio:    5.91 - 80/100/94
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1086
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 784



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPhoenixdots
    -------------------------------------------



    The phoenix has risen, taken her plight
    Spreading the beauty of her mournful song,
    Her amber/red wings unprepared for the flight,
    Time is a mystery, too short and too long.

    Her uncanny beauty is known world wide
    Her story a legend, never to fade,
    Come out little phoenix, where do you hide?
    Let loose the burden we all have now weighed.

    Silence on her part, she’s lost to the earth,
    Yet her singing is for-ever-more heard.
    The notes fly purposely, to hope they give birth,
    Never stop searching for this regal bird.

    And when the time comes to lose hope again,
    Remember the phoenix, reborn from the flame.


    © 2007
    All Rights Reserved




    Submitted on 2007-06-23 12:50:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      if i had a hat on i would be taking it off to you right now...

    iambic pentameter.
    it scares the pants off of me.
    seriously... i cannot write a iambic sonnet if my life depended on it [so its a good thing it doesnt haha]
    so serious props to you!

    i did think that there needs to be a new universal symbol of hope and ressurection other than the phoenix though...
    but it could just be because i was here on this site a coupla years ago when the phoenix was the image literally everyone used. i am quite convinced if you went to peoples pages who have been here forever you would find a phoenix piece...

    and so when i read this i am kinda wobbled by the phoenix thing but seriously... you have made this work and so when i read it through the second time focussing less on the content and more on your seamless ability to rhyme without sounding cheesy... i really am impressed.
    | Posted on 2007-07-03 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, this is a most excellent sonnet! The frist four lines I find exceptional! You certainly do understand poetry (something very, very difficult to teach, let alone articulate). As Oliver said: "More, more, please!" More sonnets! I love the form and have long been addicted to them. Again, an excellent sonnet! bravo... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-06-29 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      ooo, good stuff. I like the imagery. Reminds me of a time in my life, but I wont get into that.

    I like the 'for-ever-more,' it makes me think of the Raven by Poe (I Think) when the raven is like "never more, never more" Furthermore, I like the connection of the phoenix ideology to hope.

    Can't say I would change much, just switching 'and' to 'yet' in the 4th line. Then it would read:
    Time is a mystery, too short yet too long.

    But I think that's just a matter of opinion. Anyways, good stuff, and great pic to go with it. Keep up the good works!
    | Posted on 2007-06-25 00:00:00 | by Zai | [ Reply to This ]


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