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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: too much to takedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cricket
    ASL Info:    19/F/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    2.48 - 81/51/27
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 533
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1015



    Description:
       not exactly sure at this point if you have any type of clue inform me...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotstoo much to takedots
    -------------------------------------------


    So what if almost everything you’ve ever told me I know to be a lie
    And I know that you wished it worked every time I tried to die

    Every time my patience is wearing a little to thin
    You continue to be there to tear me down from within

    You’ve almost never fail to be the cause of my a large percentage of my fears
    We both know you’ll be here to terrorize me through out the remainder of my years

    Sadly I find myself believing all of the comforting lies that you have told
    Now you’re surprised to find that my broken heart has turned so fucking cold

    No ones ever had to push me over the edge I just fall
    Never get too far before I ram into another wall

    I don’t blame you every time that I wake up screaming
    If I thought you could fix me I would have to be dreaming

    Mayhap this is what’s real and I am what’s fake
    Understand that reality is just too much for me to take




    Submitted on 2007-06-24 20:17:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it's good but it sounds a little forced. brian's right you need to just relax and let it come.
    | Posted on 2007-06-25 00:00:00 | by sarcasticmute | [ Reply to This ]
      bah, this all seemed a little cliché...

    I cam see some real emotion in there, but it doesn't come out in the words.

    it seems you're too busy with rhyme scheme and meter to worry about what's real in the poem...

    it all seemed very da-da da-da da-da...

    still, you hsve talent, you just need to let it flow naturally

    Wishing for more
    ~Brian
    | Posted on 2007-06-25 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]


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