Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Ways of Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbedx1000
    ASL Info:    28/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 204/326/124
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 675
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 455



    Description:
       past, present, and future, the brotherhood that was, is, and wont be...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ways of Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    change the ways of the past,
    and bring about a new present,
    as you make the future unknown...

    delerious to whats here or there,
    observing whats in front of them,
    never to see what lies ahead...

    memories that will never fade,
    times that are being enjoyed,
    and of those to be had...

    so then...
    what is to become of this?
    a resolution even i don't know




    Submitted on 2007-06-24 20:39:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I adore this one, very nicely drawn within the lines. However, might I suggest a bit of imagery to flare it up? something alone the lines of:


    From this:
    delerious to whats here or there,
    observing whats in front of them,
    never to see what lies ahead...

    To this:
    Delerious to what's here or there,
    Observing the track before them,
    and ignoring the freight train that comes...

    See, this imagery gives the reader something to base the write on, when one reads this they imagine someone so consumed with what is right in front of them, that they don't see the problems of the future comming.

    -Good luck
    Christopher
    | Posted on 2007-06-26 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    145440

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Incubus written by monad
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry