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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Ways of Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbedx1000
    ASL Info:    28/m/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 204/326/124
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 659
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 455



    Description:
       past, present, and future, the brotherhood that was, is, and wont be...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ways of Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    change the ways of the past,
    and bring about a new present,
    as you make the future unknown...

    delerious to whats here or there,
    observing whats in front of them,
    never to see what lies ahead...

    memories that will never fade,
    times that are being enjoyed,
    and of those to be had...

    so then...
    what is to become of this?
    a resolution even i don't know




    Submitted on 2007-06-24 20:39:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I adore this one, very nicely drawn within the lines. However, might I suggest a bit of imagery to flare it up? something alone the lines of:


    From this:
    delerious to whats here or there,
    observing whats in front of them,
    never to see what lies ahead...

    To this:
    Delerious to what's here or there,
    Observing the track before them,
    and ignoring the freight train that comes...

    See, this imagery gives the reader something to base the write on, when one reads this they imagine someone so consumed with what is right in front of them, that they don't see the problems of the future comming.

    -Good luck
    Christopher
    | Posted on 2007-06-26 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]


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