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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Winterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Algol46
    ASL Info:    200/m/East of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 1111/1235/613
    Words: 386
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1192
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2626



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWinterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I watch the grey ponds harden
    When Winter stalks the day.
    And watch the gales blow whitely,
    Both daily and then nightly,
    Dead flowers in my garden,
    With winds blown from the bay.
    I watch the grey ponds harden
    When Winter stalks the day.

    Now stark and all asunder,
    My roses lie in death
    Until the warm Sun gleaming
    Once more its life is streaming
    And will the Winter sunder,
    And give us breath for breath.
    Now stark and all asunder,
    My roses lie in death.

    Though now the king of cold is
    Harsh liege of all this land,
    And haply lords it over
    The flowers, grasses, clover,
    Until the Sunís pure gold is
    New liege above the strand,
    Though now the king of cold is
    Harsh liege of all this land.

    Here right beside this willow,
    Within this haunted night,
    Half waking and half dreaming,
    I hear the snow storm screaming,
    As wan as any billow,
    And deathly, deathly white,
    Here right outside my window,
    Within this haunted night!

    Then out upon the headland
    I hear the breakers roll
    Where titan waves are crashing
    Ghost ships yet listing, thrashing
    Across this icy dead land
    I hear the bronze bell toll.
    Then out upon the headland
    I hear the breakers roll.

    And then at freezing midnight
    I see the ghost of Spring
    That comes the Winter after
    With love and lovers laughter
    And where all the world seems light
    Here joyous bells will ring
    And then at freezing midnight
    I see the ghost of Spring.

    This storm so like a river
    That rages to the sea,
    That howls like grey wolves stalking,
    Like goblins laughing, talking
    Until I quiver, shiver,
    In my extremity.
    This storm so like a river
    That rages to the sea,

    I spy the storm winds veering
    Across the Channel Isles.
    There where the dead are sleeping,
    Their secrets guarding, keeping,
    As out there in the clearing,
    The ruined peristyles.
    I spy the storm winds veering
    Across the Channel Isles.

    I watch the grey ponds harden
    When Winter stalks the day.
    And watch the gales blow whitely,
    Both daily and then nightly,
    Dead flowers in my garden,
    With winds blown from the bay.
    I watch the grey ponds harden
    When Winter stalks the day.




    Submitted on 2007-06-25 15:29:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Your poem has such a delightful, dreamlike quality to it. The way you play with words has a very strong and powerful effect. I like the way you repeat the first 2 lines at the end of each verse. My favorite line was 'When winter stalks the day' It's true. As one of my friends said: "Winter is the moment when the cold kisses the night"

    Well, this makes my own poem about the best season ever seem slightly pathetic. Oh yes, thanks for reviewing it!

    Rose
    | Posted on 2008-06-24 00:00:00 | by Roselize | [ Reply to This ]
      Michael, I love this poem. It is just so beautiful. You are such a master of word manipulation. I could read your poetry for hours.. if I had the time. I love winter it is my absolute favorite time of the year.. and i love it more described by your writings.
    Bravo... bravo.. bravo.. for you. :)

    ciao!
    *hugs*
    victoria
    | Posted on 2007-07-30 00:00:00 | by batgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      "I watch the grey ponds harden
    When Winter stalks the day.
    And watch the gales blow whitely,
    Both daily and then nightly,
    Dead flowers in my garden,
    With winds blown from the bay.
    I watch the grey ponds harden
    When Winter stalks the day."

    I love the way that you begin and end this stanza with the same wlines, but i think perhaps you were a bit too early 20th century with your choice for the 3rd and 4th lines

    "Now stark and all asunder,
    My roses lie in death
    Until the warm Sun gleaming
    Once more its life is streaming
    And will the Winter sunder,
    And give us breath for breath.
    Now stark and all asunder,
    My roses lie in death."

    once again, the 3rd and 4th lines slightly dissapoint, but not so much as to take away from the overall lovliness of it

    "Though now the king of cold is
    Harsh liege of all this land,
    And haply lords it over
    The flowers, grasses, clover,
    Until the Sunís pure gold is
    New liege above the strand,
    Though now the king of cold is
    Harsh liege of all this land."

    This is by far my favorite stanza, it is mournful nearly, but crisp and to the point, and the melody is quite resonant.

    "And then at freezing midnight
    I see the ghost of Spring
    That comes the Winter after
    With love and lovers laughter
    And where all the world seems light
    Here joyous bells will ring
    And then at freezing midnight
    I see the ghost of Spring."

    Very nearly my least favorite stanza, it has a lovely tone, and it does fit quite well with the rest of the piece, its just that for some reason it doesnt feel as good and right to me as the rest.

    "
    This storm so like a river
    That rages to the sea,
    That howls like grey wolves stalking,
    Like goblins laughing, talking
    Until I quiver, shiver,
    In my extremity.
    This storm so like a river
    That rages to the sea,"

    This may actually be my true favorite, merely for the mention of goblins, a favorite subject for me. This so well put together and i love it so much, but i must confess that i would change the sixth line to make it fit a little bit better and flow a little smoother.

    also, what is a peristyle?

    and i like how you ended this
    this was a wonderful piece, one of my favorites by you
    it has been so long since i have read anything that i had almost forgotten how much i loved your poetry

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-07-27 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this poem presents the mood of the harshness of winter most excellently! It's mood and muse remind me of the blizzards that frequent the High Plains in winter, where I grew up! This poem somehow reminds me of being caught in a blizzard whilst gathering cattle to move them to shelter before the storm!

    Chilling, with excellent structure, story, and mood! Another fine piece by none other than the master himself!
    | Posted on 2007-06-30 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww this is really good, and an excellent use of figurative language, Iím big on that. I could see the descriptions played out so clearly in my mind. This whole poem had a haunting theme, and although it was long, you managed to maintain my attention through out the poem and made me want to read on further.

    The rhyme scheme to this poem is very different from what Iím used to reading, but I liked it as it gives a unique feel to your poem.

    The rhyme was somehow unexpected in places but Iím sure this was your intension, to maybe point out that winter can be unpredictable sometimes? I donít know that was just a guess lol.

    Personally winter is my favourite time of year, but I like how you described it as a villain in this piece it works well.

    These two stanzas are my favourite:


    ďHere right outside my window,
    Within this haunted night,
    Half waking and half dreaming,
    I hear the snow storm screaming,
    As ashy as my pillow,
    And deathly, deathly white,
    Here right outside my window,
    Within this haunted night!Ē


    ďAnd then at freezing midnight
    I see the ghost of Spring
    That comes the Winter after
    With love and lovers laughter
    And where all the world seems light
    Here joyous bells will ring
    And then at freezing midnight
    I see the ghost of Spring.Ē


    They stick out so vividly and the imagery is beautiful, they give of a very haunting feel and I love poems that can do that.

    Take care,

    *~xXxLinzixXx~*
    | Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by Linzi | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! BRAVO to you Micheal! I am digging this!
    that's it, I'm going to add it to my favorites
    | Posted on 2007-06-26 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      ah, I can't believe you haven't gotten a single comment on this yet?! it was beautiful and oddly eerie...like someone were writing it in mist...idk, I just got the phrase 'borne in mist' stuck in my head for some reason and it makes sense (to me). ha, for some reason the start sincerely reminded me of Frost, and I've no idea why because I never got too into his writing to begin with- but I suppose just the voices I heard corrolated b/w the two styles. it definatly got darker though and who could imagine Frost less confused than he already was? ;) seriously though, this was a good write, all be it a bit long...it did seem to drag on in a few spots but you never completely lost me with it- and I just woke up, so that may or may not be your idea of a great accomplishment. I haven't read very much of your writing but this held a sort of dry, restrained passion....it'd be very interesting to see your take on melodrama; just something immensly grandiouse. either way though, just a suggestion.
    -Jess
    | Posted on 2007-06-26 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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