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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Imaginth
    Elite Ratio:    5.18 - 43/50/19
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 824
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 604



    Description:
       Uhm me realizing that this breakup was the best damn thing to happen to me yet.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    One year.
    To the very day.
    That's what's sad.
    You're missing out.

    It's the last time.
    Ever.
    I won't fall for it again.
    Ever.
    I'll lock up my heart.
    Forever.

    One look.
    You promised you'd stay.
    And there you go.
    Gone again.

    I won't go back.
    Ever.
    No more deception.
    Ever.
    My standards are higher.
    Forever.

    You lost.
    My soul is bettered now.
    My heart harder to enter.
    I won.




    Submitted on 2007-06-25 16:29:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm...You know what's a couincidence? I was looking through random elite posts and I found yours. My good friend, Mage's....

    Well, this would be some damn good lyrics. I'm tellin' ya...

    And I love poems that just give you a little smirk to your face. Like if you were invincable or something.

    But there was something on the last few lines that made me want to...say something about changing it. I can't put my finger on it...It's on the tip of my tongue...Don't have it.

    Well, I guess it's great then. And, hey, if you need to talk to someone, I'm always right here. (Even though I am a stupid 14-year-old.)
    -Beth

    P.S. Congratulations on getting married. I wish you and Ed the best of luck. Me and Que are getting married soon and I would love it if you were there at our wedding. ^-^
    | Posted on 2007-06-26 00:00:00 | by crimson_panda | [ Reply to This ]
      lyrics are so hard to critique because i have no idea how they are sposed to sound. and just looking at the lyrics doesnt give any indication as to the nature of the song...

    im not so sure that your heart being harder to get into is a sign of winning... not over all... it doesnt even strike me as a strength... to me its a defence mechanism that could make life and future love prospects harder for you than necessary.

    though having said that it is important to have good boundaries to protect yourself from people who just dont love you the way you love them or want them to love you in return...

    now again... because this is lyrics my comments may have very little standing but i think you repeat yourself too much in this song.
    now since you dont have an aparent refrain/chorus i guess a lil repetition is a good thing to cement the idea but i guess, unless you are going for a linkin park sound, you sound too angsty and ranty right now... i guess thats just something to be aware of...


    but im glad you have come to a point where you realise that you are better off without this person... it isnt until then that you are able to move on and live your life for you...
    so good luck.
    | Posted on 2007-06-25 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohhhh they're lyrics!! That makes so much more sense hahah, I was like...waiiit a second... now that I know they're lyrics, I can see how it works just a bit better. that's very funny. It could have made an excellent poem as well.
    | Posted on 2007-06-25 00:00:00 | by Hyperbolypses | [ Reply to This ]
      I applaud you on a job well done. You have structure and order, your word choice is wonderful and best of all the idea makes sense. You can clearly feel the emotion and you can understand what's going on. It's not leading the person in circles and it's not random word vomit. I like the repetition of ever and forever. It was beautiful. Go over it one last time though and see how you can improve the poem's word choice and the overall poem. You've got some good stuff there. Oh and the last line of the first stanza is kind of random.
    | Posted on 2007-06-25 00:00:00 | by Hyperbolypses | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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