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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: D3liv3ranc3
    ASL Info:    16/F/Uk
    Elite Ratio:    0.01 - 0/2/1
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Legend
    Total Views: 638
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 367



    Description:
       It sucks... Don't it?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Light is Bright
    Light is Powerful
    Light is Heavenly

    Light Destroys Evil
    Light Destroys Temptation
    Light Destroys Darkness

    Forever Light lives
    Everyday Light strives
    Forevermore Light is our life

    Tonight there is light
    Dawn there is twilight
    Afternoon there is Blight




    Submitted on 2007-06-25 17:20:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Have you ever read Dr Seuss's Fox in Socks? This piece reminds me of it a lot. Obviously it's about a more mature subject matter than Dr Seuss's work, yours being about hope and life and not about foxes in socks on boxes, etc., etc.

    The reason i draw this comparison is because the way in which your poem is almost set as a tongue twister when read aloud (and yes, i read it aloud, i must've sounded crazy =P ). Especially the last two stanzas, which personally i think are the best.

    My only slight criticism would be that it seems to end abruptly. Have you thought about adding a few extra lines to gently bring the poem to a stop? Just a thought - ignore it if you think i'm talking rubbish.

    Anyways, i enjoyed getting my tongue around this poem (okay, that sounded kind of disgusting, but i'm sure you know what i meant), so thank you for sharing.

    I'm in the rp section a lot, so maybe i'll see you around.

    Peace,
    Jaco
    | Posted on 2007-07-07 00:00:00 | by Jacoby | [ Reply to This ]
       A nice original piece of work. It is well structured and flows easily. nothing seemed force. nice write.
    | Posted on 2007-06-27 00:00:00 | by EL | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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